The Casino College Dealer Training - Casino School in San ...

I live in a small mining town in the mountains of Colorado. Someone is building a massive casino nearby, Pictures Included

I grew up in a small mountain town named Eureka. It was founded in the late 1800s during the gold rush, but after the mines dried up the town began its slow descent into decay. Half the houses are empty or abandoned now.
You can see a picture of the kind of houses here in Eureka:
First house
Second house
When a massive construction project began nearby, it was the talk of the town for weeks. Why would they build something in a sleepy dying town like Eureka? It wasn’t until my sister Selene talked to a few construction workers that we discovered they were building a casino.
A casino up in the mountains, over two hours away from Denver. None of us could understand why they’d chosen here of all places. After a few months of work, the casino was done.
I took a picture of the town with the completed casino in the background to the right. The ten-story-structure sticks out like a sore thumb off in the distance.
Town+Casino
After the casino opened, they hired a few dozen members of the town, offering high paying jobs to work as dealers or cleaning staff. I was already employed as a firefighter, but my sister Selene got a job as a blackjack dealer. She’s a widow with two young kids, so the paycheck was a real lifesaver.
Still, something about the situation seemed too good to be true. The jobs over there paid far too well, and the management was far too accommodating. The fire station where I work is located high on a hill overlooking the town, so I began watching the casino from a distance each day.
I had initially thought that the casino was located in a terrible location, but I was apparently wrong. True, Eureka was hours from any major city, but despite that, a bus full of people arrived every morning and left every evening.
One night I was over at my parent’s house and had dinner with Selene and her kids. I asked her about her experience as a dealer.
“It’s Ok,” she said. “Just a little boring I guess.”
“Boring?” I asked. “I’m surprised you don’t have your hands full.”
“Why’s that?” she asked. “It’s like you said, Eureka’s too small. I never have people playing cards. The casino is almost always completely empty.”
I wasn’t sure what to make of that. If the place was always empty, what happened to the people who I’d seen arriving on buses? “I’ve been keeping an eye on the building,” I said. “A bus full of people typically arrives around 9 AM every day.”
“Really?” she asked, looking confused. “If that’s true, I’ve never seen them.
“I can see it from the fire station,” I said. “If you head out for a smoke break at 9 AM, you’ll probably see them arriving.”
“Interesting,” she said. “I’ll do that. If they’re being processed for their organs or something, I’ll let you know.” She laughed.
“Har har,” I said sarcastically.
The next night she sent me a text calling me over. When I arrived, she was nearly breathless with excitement.
“Orin, You were right,” she said. “A big group of people did arrive, but they didn’t walk into my part of the casino. Instead, they all walked into an elevator at the back of the building. I’m not sure where that goes.” She looked thoughtful. “It was weird. They looked… How can I say it? Desperate? Something about the whole situation was very off. I’m gonna check out the elevator tomorrow.”
I told her to be careful, though, to be honest, I was excited to hear about what she discovered. When I visited my parent’s house the next night, I found her two kids there alone. They told me that Selene had never returned from work.
I called all her friends, then all our neighbors, but no one had seen her since she left for work that morning. Our conversations regarding the casino flooded my mind, then a plan began to form.
Early the next morning I walked across town in my nicest pair of jeans and a button-up shirt. I pushed through the door to the casino and saw that Selene wasn’t lying. The place was all but deserted. Three dozen slot machines crowded the walls surrounding a few tables interspersed throughout the floor of the casino. The only players in the whole building were Bob and Donald, two locals.
I walked up to a nearby table where Bridget, a girl I’d gone to high school with, was shuffling cards. She broke into a grin when she saw me. “Hey Orin, you here for a few rounds of blackjack?”
“I wish,” I said. “No, I’m here to ask about Selene. She never made it home last night.”
Bridget’s expression darkened. “Really? Have you asked around?”
“I already called around. Have you seen her?”
She shook her head. “No, our schedules rarely line up. I’ll be sure to let you know if I--” Her eyes focused on something behind me, and she cut herself off.
I turned around to see the casino’s pit boss watching us both. He was a tall thin man in an impeccably clean black suit. When I turned back towards Bridget, she was looking down at the table and shuffling cards absent-mindedly.
“Well, if you hear anything, let me know,” I said.
She nodded, so I turned around and headed for the pit boss. I stuck out my hand. The temperature of his hand was so hot that I had to pull my hand away after a few seconds.
“Have… have you seen my sister Selene?” I asked. “She hasn’t been seen since her shift here yesterday.”
He smiled. “Sir, this floor is for players. You’re more than welcome to head to the tellers for chips, but barring that I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave.”
I stared at him for a long second before stalking towards the door. When I looked back, he was talking with Bridget.
I checked my watch. 8:55 AM, just as I’d planned. I walked around the back of the building and waited as the morning bus pulled around the building. I waited for the telltale hiss of the opening doors and the sound of people descending before I rounded the corner and joined the crowd. None of them paid any particular attention to me as I walked with them into the casino.
The crowd walked through a side door down a hallway to an elevator. Small groups of people entered the elevator as the rest of us waited for our turn. I shot a glance at the casino patrons, surprised at their diversity. There seemed to be people from all different countries and ethnicities. I heard one speaking Japanese and another speaking what sounded like an African language.
My turn came along with a few other patrons in the elevator. A sickly woman hobbled into the elevator beside me carrying an IV that was still connected to one of her veins. We piled in and rode up to the top.
The elevator rose for a few long seconds. I wasn’t sure what I would find, but I steeled myself for something horrible. The elevator’s speaker let out a TING, then the doors opened.
We all walked out onto what looked like a standard casino. Another few dozen slot machines ringed the walls, but on this floor, they were almost all occupied by customers. I took in the scene, confused at why they’d have a ground floor that was almost completely empty when this place was almost--
Selene was dealing cards at a nearby table.
I jogged over and sat down at an open seat. None of the players around me paid me much attention.
“Selene!” I said. “Are you OK? Did you spend the night here last night?”
Her eyes were glassy and confused. She looked up at me with a dumb expression and didn’t respond to my question.
“Selene?” I asked.
“What’s your bet?” she asked me. “This table is for blackjack players only.”
“I…” I trailed off, looking at the players around me. None of them were betting with chips of any kind. “What’s the minimum bet?” I asked.
“Three years,” she responded.
“Three years then,” I said, not knowing what that referred to.
Selene nodded, then began dealing cards. I shot a look down at my hand. King and a 9. Selene dealt out cards for herself, showing a 9. I stood, then leaned forward again. “Should I call the police? Are you--”
“Congratulations,” she said tonelessly.
An almost impossibly warm hand grabbed my shoulder. I spun to see the pit boss I’d spoken to earlier. He gave an impressed smile. “Orin, was it? I’m impressed, truly. Would you mind if I had a word with you?”
I shot a look back at Selene who was dealing the next round of cards. Then I got to my feet, balling my hands into fists. “What did you do to her?”
The pit boss clasped his hands behind his back. “Nothing more, and nothing less than what I’m going to do to you. That is, offer you the chance to play.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
The pit boss nodded his head towards a nearby slot machine. A woman in a wheelchair pulled a lever and watched the flashing numbers spin. They exploded in a cacophony of sirens and flashing lights. “WINNER WINNER WINNER!” The machine screeched.
The woman in the wheelchair put her feet on the ground and stood up on a pair of wobbly legs that had clearly never been used before.
“As in any other casino,” the pit boss said, “you must wager for the chance to win.”
“She... won the use of her legs?” I asked, feeling light-headed. “Wait,” I said. “I played blackjack just now. ‘Three years,’ Selene told me. What does ‘three years’ mean?” I asked.
“Three years of life, of course. Did you win?”
My mouth felt dry. “I-- Yes, I won.”
He smiled warmly. “Congratulations. I hope you enjoy them. I can tell you from personal experience that watching the decades pass is a bore. Give it some time and you’ll be back to spend them.”
I watched the pit boss’s face. He couldn’t have been more than a few years older than me, and I was in my early thirties. I looked around at the casino. No one was playing with chips of any kind. “So what?” I asked. “I won years of life. That woman won the use of her legs. What else can a person win here?”
“Oh, almost anything. They can win almost anything you can imagine.”
A cold feeling settled in my stomach. “And what do they wager?”
His eyes flashed with greed. “Almost anything. They can wager almost anything you can possibly imagine. Anything equal in value to the item they want in return.” He nodded towards a nearby roulette table.
A man stood by the table, cradling his hands. “Another finger,” he called out. He only had three fingers remaining on his left hand. As I watched, the ball came to a stop, and another finger disappeared from his left hand.
The pit boss extended his hands. “Feel free to try any of our games. Bet and win whatever you’d like.” He reached out and snatched my hand. A feeling of intense warmth passed up my arm to my chest. “There,” he said. “I’ve even given you some house money to get you started. An extra decade of life, on me.”
I ripped my hand away, staring at him in horror. Then I looked back at Selene. Something clicked in my mind. “You offered her the chance to play. What did she want?” I asked.
“Her husband,” the pit boss said. “Quite the sad story. He died two years ago. She wanted him brought back to her.”
“What did she wager?” I asked.
“She wanted the chance to win a soul, the most valuable object in existence. I’m sure you can imagine what she needed to wager for the chance to win it. What she wagered is unimportant. The important question is: What do you want, Orin?”
I stared at Selene with a flat expression. “I’m sure you can imagine.”
His eyes flashed with greed again. “How wonderful. The casino could always make use of another dealer. Feel free to make your wager at any one of our games; I’ll be eagerly awaiting the results of your night. Oh, and do take advantage of our waitresses. We always supply food and drink for ‘high rollers’.” He walked away.
I spent the next few hours trying to decide which game to play. I was going to be wagering my soul, so I wanted the highest chance possible. Slots and roulette were out. I’d done some reading online about counting cards, so I figured that blackjack gave me the best odds.
I walked up to Selene’s table and sat down. “Bet?” she asked with that same toneless voice. “Three years,” I said.
I spent the next hour or so doing my best to remember how to count cards. I knew that low cards added one to my count and high cards decreased it by one, but the casino used three decks. I had read something about how that was supposed to change my calculation, but I couldn’t quite remember how.
Every time I won a hand, I cursed myself for not putting everything on the line. Every time I lost, I breathed a prayer of thanks that I’d waited. And all the while, I kept track of the count.
I had lost fifteen years of life when the count finally reached +5.
“Bet?” Selene asked.
“I wager my soul so you can be free,” I said.
The table around me fell silent. Selene’s eyes flickered, but she showed no other emotion as she dealt the cards. I watched my first card, punching the air in excitement when I saw a Jack. My excitement turned to ash when my second card was a four. Fourteen.
I looked at her hand. One card was facedown, but the faceup card was a King. I swore loudly, staring down at my hands.
“Hit?” she asked. The entire table was silently watching me.
“Hit,” I said, not looking down. The table erupted in cheers. I looked down to see a 7 atop my two other cards. 21. Blackjack.
I looked at Selene who flipped over her facedown card to reveal a 9. 19. I won.
The glassy look left her eyes immediately. She looked around in surprise, then her eyes locked on mine. “Orin?” she asked, then almost immediately began to cry. The entire casino broke out in cheers.
I grabbed her hand and headed for the elevator. The doors had begun to close when the pit boss reached out with a hand to stop them.
“Congratulations,” he said, beaming. He seemed to be honestly excited.
“Shouldn’t you be upset?” I asked.
“Not at all. Casinos love it when we have big winners. It inspires the other players to make larger bets. I imagine I’ll gain two or three dealers before the night is through from your performance.”
“Great,” I said flatly. “Now let us go.”
“Not yet,” he said. “You didn’t just win, Orin. You got a blackjack. And blackjack pays out 1.5 times your bet. You won your sister’s soul and more.”
I stared, not sure what to say. “What are you saying? I won half a soul extra?”
The pit boss grinned wildly. “Just remember what I said. You’ll find living for decades and decades to be a boring experience. After a few centuries, you’ll be back to gamble that half a soul away. Congratulations!”
He removed his hand, and the elevator doors slammed shut.
I helped Selene back to her house. Her children were relieved. I watched them cry, then moved into the kitchen to start making dinner.
It’s been a few days since that experience. The casino is still out there, and buses full of people still arrive. I… I cut my hand pretty bad a few days later. When I checked it an hour later, it had already healed, no scar or anything. I’m not sure exactly what I won at that casino, but there’s no way I’m ever going back.
X
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Governor Sisolak Press Conference 12/13/2020

Here's the update, typed as he was talking, apologies if I missed anything.
NO FURTHER SHUTDOWNS ANNOUNCED! Pause is EXTENDED through 1/15/2021.

submitted by Saigonic to LasVegas [link] [comments]

Governor Sisolak Press Conference 12/13/2020

Here's the update, typed as he was talking, apologies if I missed anything.
NO FURTHER SHUTDOWNS ANNOUNCED! Pause is EXTENDED through 1/15/2021.

submitted by Saigonic to vegas [link] [comments]

15 Years. 6 hours. Lots of heartbreak.

Hello Reddit community. Fair warning, this is a very long one.
I (33m) met my ex (34f) 16 years ago when I was in high school. Over the internet back in the day when people enjoyed Yahoo Games. We met over the chat in there lol. I am from around Brantford, Ontario, Canada. She was from around Pembroke, Ontario, Canada. I will not bother with going into the long details of our relationship but will say that it is obviously a very long history but it has always been pretty roller coaster like. I will also say that I have a whole host of my own mental issues, like Anger, control, jealousy etc probably stemming from a pretty rough childhood i have had (i am currently in counseling after many years of not doing it). We have 2 children. A 9 year old daughter and a 2 year old daughter. At the time of the beginning of this incident, we were not together and she was living with our daughters and her sister in an apartment about 5 minutes away from me.
Around August of 2019, one of the two of them received a phonecall from their father and he revealed that he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. The two of them and our daughters immediately drove up to Pembroke to spend a week with him. His wife (their stepmom) is a real estate agent in the area. When they returned, the two of them had decided that they wanted to move to Pembroke to help their father.
When she told me this, as you would expect, I was not pleased. We got into some huge arguments. While I could understand wanting to help with their father, I was extremely upset about our children being taken away. I calmed down a bit eventually. During this time, they had been talking to their step mother and their step mother found out that renting apartments and renting houses is just as expensive, if not moreso than actually paying the mortgage on your own house. So now they get ideas about owning a house there. Found a house for like 108k. They decide to go to a bank to see about going together on a mortgage. Turns out the sister is so bad with her finances and debt she owes that they decline them.
I feel like at this point I should add in that although we may not have been together at that point (and throughout various other points of our history), the love I have for her (and obviously our daughters) has always been very strong. The 3 of them mean the world to me. My ex eventually comes to me. Asks me to go in with her on this mortgage because she knows I have a stable career and good income (im a dealer at the casino here in Brantford for the last 11 years). So her sister is irrelevant in the matter as it would be just hers and my house. Obviously I was not pleased. I talked this over with a few friends and my mom (who is my rock). They thought it was an insane thing to allow. I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place with this decision.
  1. I do this and co sign a mortgage with her. I would be doing this to help her and her sister out and I mean....frankly it would make me feel good to help them be with their family in a sense. But this also means our children and her move 5.5 hours away from me.
  2. I dont allow this and my ex resents me for the rest of my life and it makes any interactions we have in the future horrible and she also would probably financially make it much hard on me (going after more for child support, which at the time I believe I was paying 400 Canadian for our two girls).
I feel like I should also note that we have never been to court for anything. We have no custody agreement, they kind of just....live with her. When they were here in Brantford they were living with her and her sister and I would just come by and visit the three of them whenever I wanted or bring the girls to sleep at my place if I wanted. We've never had child support agreements either, beyond verbal.
Anyways...I eventually went through the bank checking on me process and decided to sign for this. From MINUTE ONE when she first told me about all of this, she said to me over and over again that this is just temporary. This is what made it easier on me. Because I knew that we could just grin and bare the distance for about a year to a year and a third. Her father was given 1 year to live btw.
So eventually they move on October 18th, 2019. From then until a few months ago I had been going up every other weekend from work to stay with the 3 of them. I went up with them at the beginning as I had a lot of paperwork to sign. I should note that we are BOTH co-owners of this property. 50% each. Same with the mortgage. BUT.....I have never invested a dime in this house. She borrowed a loan from her mother (my ex has never had much money at all) for the down payment of the house. She pays the mortgage and bills on the house.
When they were living in Brantford, she worked as a sale associate at a Winners store. When they moved to Pembroke, it was actually a good transition for her as she basically just transferred to the Winners in Pembroke. She eventually got a promotion to a supervisor there making a bit more money. To which she eventually, in October 2020, quit her job. I told her multiple times before she did this that it was a very very bad idea. But she didn't care. Said she just wanted to spend more time with our girls and she didn't get to while working, which is a ridiculous thing to say, because what parent wouldn't want to spend more time with their children. We work to provide a life for them.
Around January of 2020, her sister, who has always made rash decisions in her life....decided that she was going to move to Oshawa with some guys shes known for a few years (oshawa is like 4 hours away from Pembroke, 2 hours away from me in Brantford). By doing this....she kinda of double screwed my ex. One way, obviously, was that she was no longer going to be chipping in on bills. The other was that during this entire time that they lived in Pembroke, she didn't have a job (still doesn't, but irrelevant), so she was a free babysitter for my ex to watch over our children. This put my ex in a very uncomfortable position. The two of them really fought over this. When her sister moved out, various friends and family members would chip in a few hours here and there watching our girls, but nobody was consistent. Shes never had a reliable support system.
This continued until about the beginning of July 2020. Her sister arrived back at the house in Pembroke one day and discovered that my ex had left our 9 year old to watch our 2 year old for 8 hours a day while she was at work. This had shockingly been going on for 2 weeks. My ex had told me that her father and stepmother would be watching our daughters while she worked, obviously lied to me. So her sister lost her mind when she got there, called Childrens Aid Society and reported it. Waited until my ex got back from work and they got into a huge blow up. The sister left back for Oshawa. My ex called me that same night and told me all of this. I immediately told her that I would come there tonight and take our girls back to my place to help out for an indefinite amount of time. I left at 1030 that night and drove through the night except for a power nap and got there at like 8am. My daughters and I left later that night to come back to Brantford. They stayed with me for a month and a half from the beginning of July to lateish August. We had an absolute blast together. During this time, my ex was in a very dark place. She was very depressed about me "taking our girls away", as insulting as that is. She was also dealing with health issues at the time which eventually required emergency gall bladder removal. She was sidelined from work for about 2 weeks, sleeping like 18 hours a day. During this time, she apparently decided that she wants a lot more tattoos. So she was talking to a girlfriend from work about this and her friend told her that she should get in contact with her cousin or something. A guy who would give her tattoos for free or at least very cheap. Obviously everyone knows that the words free and tattoos never go well together. So they started hanging out and she started paying this person in Tom Hortons and pizza slices for tattoos. For real. Obviously I havent huge divulged in my own mental issues, but if you knew me.....you would know this does not sit well with me. I started being very accusatory and jealous. Saying to her over and over "oh, this is your new bf then eh?" Constantly she would say over and over again, "OP, stop being such an idiot. Hes just a friend. We've met each other at very dark times in each other's lives and we enjoy our time together." Eventually I brought the girls back to Pembroke. School was going to be starting back for my 9 year old. She had found a day care for our 2 year old. Everything seemed like it was set in place.
Now we are at about October 2020. This person is coming over to our house in Pembroke all the time or my ex and our girls are going there. I should mention that my 9 year old has said repeatedly that she does not feel comfortable around this person and finds him very weird. Says he's nice to her and her baby sister but he just doesn't seem to care much and he just makes her feel odd and he's weird and she doesn't care to be around him. So as this is going on....my jealousy back in Brantford is getting worse and worse. It got to the point that there was a night when this person made a supper for the 4 of them and I was talking to my daughter on the phone and she told me about this meal that they had and it was very very good. This didn't sit well with me. We finished our chat and I was texting my ex and told her something along the lines of "this is absolute bullshit. This is some husband and wife shit. I feel very uncomfortable with this person around our children." She basically said, again, that I was being ridiculous and that they are extremely good friends and this is what best friends do. I lost my temper and basically told her over text, "fuck this shit. Im done. I just....I dont want anything to do with any of this now. Enjoy your family of four." I should say obviously I dont actually want to revoke any sort of rights I was just jealous and angry and hurt.
Let's fast forward a bit more. November of 2020. Now, they seem to be sleeping over there at this persons house pretty much every night. Which is super fucking weird as like I told you guys.....my daughter does not like this. She finds it very uncomfortable.
At this point, due to covid among other factors....I really haven't seen them in about 2 months beyond video chat. I had started a new job but had a string of 5 days off in a row. Decided to make a bit of a rash judgement and drive up there to surprise my girls. But I wont lie, it was also because I was getting increasingly nervous. I arrive there on a Friday night at like 630 pm. I figured they were over there as there was no one at the house we owned (tbh probably a good thing as it avoids the confrontation). I asked my ex over text if she could come back to the house so I could hang out with the 3 of them. It didn't go well. She says "OP, are you insane??! We have not been on good terms lately, why would you think this would go well? I will bring the girls back but im not staying there." Than I just lost it. "This is absolutely ridiculous. I wanted to spend time with all of you." "I will not be staying there." "OK....well....I guess you had better just not come back then cuz I can tell you if you do....I will follow you to that house." "Omg are you insane? I'm calling the cops this is insane"blah blah. It never happened. We calmed down and I eventually stayed in the house for the night. She brought our girls over in the afternoon while she did grocery shopping but they already had plans to go out with her cousin to look at Christmas lights that night. I was invited to come but it would've been way too awkward. I just drove the 5.5 hours home.
It just got worse from here when I got home. This is like beginning of December. The very next day her father passes. Soon afterwards, she announces to me that they are no longer going to be moving back. Im absolutely floored and beyond hurt. Huge fighting ensues. It gets very nasty with her saying terrible stuff like she will go for full custody, etc etc. I remind her that we had a deal to move back after her father passed and that she can't do this with our kids. She says she is not stopping me from seeing them. Willing to meet every weekend for me to have them. This is no life. This is no life to formulate a good relationship with our daughters. This is beyond cruel. She claims im the bad one as im trying to force our daughters out of the house they love and the school our 9 year old loves and the quiet neighborhood. So.....now its about mid December. I am getting them to stay with me from December 27th- January 9th (they are here now). Its probably about the 21st at this point and she decides to announce to me that they are a couple and have been for a month now. Obviously im crushed. Shes said so many times all she ever wanted was for us to work out. Wanted me and her forever. Wouldn't have ever happened if it wasn't for my poor behavior and all that. But shes happy now she says. Many many days of crying ensue. Rage and anger. Jealousy. Insane insane jealousy. Here comes the creeper parts. So. Over the last 2 or so months I've learned some details. Dude apparently has a child on the way with a woman but she moved 5 hours away from him when she first found out she's pregnant (probably should've been a red flag for my ex). Guy works in the military in Petawawa, a town nearby Pembroke. Big, big military town. Hes a chef or some such shit there. Now....im not condoning my next actions. My eldest daughter had made me wary of this person as well as obviously my jealousy. I started doing some social media digging. Found out who his ex is. Started a very awkward dialogue with her one day (around the 23rd or something). It blossomed into actual conversation for days on end. Turns out, according to her and some serious shit she showed me during our many, many conversations.....this guy is seriously trouble. Massive control issues (I know...pot meet kettle), manipulation and grooming. On multiple occasions this guy would hold knives to her and threaten if she ever left him that he'd fucking end her or himself. Many many times of beating her up both verbally and physically (I saw a bunch of pretty bad pictures). Use to choke her out against a wall until she passed out and then would proceed to have his way with her.....really messed up stuff. Heres the real kicker. Curious how these two met? Not sure exactly how they met....but how they ended up actually getting together and having a 4 year relationship is because.......they both came into the relationship positive for genital herpes. Genital friggin herpes. He cheated on her many, many times during their relationship (apparently grounds for firing from the military). During these times that he's cheated on her....he apparently infected multiple people with this STI. He was scared moreso when a few women tried to confront him over text or other social media claiming that they wanted to get in contact with him and would sue (apparently thats a thing, I didnt know), than when his girlfriend found out as he knew he could smooth over the fact he cheated on her because he had her groomed and scared. So obviously he has not told my ex this, even though his ex that I've been speaking with literally described where exactly they are in his house as shes been living there for 4 years (up until about may/June 2020).
I confronted my ex about all of this stuff. She wasn't hearing any of it. Doesn't believe anything. Laughed me off. Says he's treated her nothing but good since theyfe been together. Said she won't put up with anything bad, not even once, but nothing has happened. Only thing that gave her any kind of pause was when I told her that literally less than a month ago he was texting his ex, asking her to "please come back, please come back to me. You are my everything. I want to spend the rest of my life with yiu" etc etc. So clearly this guy doesn't give a damn about my ex and she is just the current thing for him to pass his time with.
So. I think we are just about at the end of the story. Not much else has happened since that as, like I mentioned much earlier, I've had our daughters with me since dec 27th, until Jan 8th (for now). Oh. Actually.....one thing. She continues to show incredibly poor parenting skills. During this time that they've been with me.....sometimes around the 29th....she has actually gotten him to move in with them at OUR house. This is so beyond messed up. One month dating and this happens. Our kids don't even like him. Like I said earlier, my 9 year old has said he's very weird and strange and makes her uncomfortable. But she claims she's doing this all in the best interest of them. She justifies this because this guy is now apparently renting out rooms to two people at his house while chipping in some bills at our house. So the dude is using her as a cheap place to crash (the mortgage on our house in Pembroke is literally like 330$ a month), while he profits off his house. I have thought of doing multiple (probably bad) things, but I feel like someone needs to stop this terrible person before he hurts people beyond just my ex. I have definitely thought of contacting the Petawawa Military Police and telling them about all the horrible things I know about this person and telling them to check his medical files (the military doctor issues this guy his herpes medication, Valtrex). Ive also thought about sending him a pretty serious message, though that will probably amount to nothing. I can provide what I've typed up already about it if someone wants those details.
I will finish this off with the legal questions.
  1. She is scared as she thinks I can force the sale of the house as a co owner. Can I? Would I have a chance?
  2. Am I able to get them to move back? I realize thats a multi layered question. Having a verbal deal I also realize probably looks bad on me....but even if she denies that this deal ever happened....why on earth would I ever just randomly allow our children to be moved 6 hours away forever? No sane person would.
  3. I want this monster away from our children. Is it unwise to try and work up the balls to talk to military police?
  4. Its to the point that I dont even feel comfortable bringing our children back to meet up with her halfway on Jan 9th. Like I stated previously, we've never had any sort of custody arrangements. So, in my eyes, neither of us are more allowed to have the children than the other. What are my options here?
If yiu made it all the way here.....thank you for your time. I cant express enough gratitude. This has absolutely been the year from hell for me, even without covid.
TL;DR- ex and I had an agreement to move back with our children. Shes backing out of this. What are the options. Do I have a case? New guy in the picture very much scares me and our children are seriously uncomfortable. Can I do anything? Co own a house together. 50/50 split. What can be done about this to force the sale and potentially get things going in my favour?
submitted by Phonyspoon to relationships [link] [comments]

I live in a small mining town in the mountains of Colorado. Someone is building a massive casino nearby, Pictures Included

I grew up in a small mountain town named Eureka. It was founded in the late 1800s during the gold rush, but after the mines dried up the town began its slow descent into decay. Half the houses are empty or abandoned now.
You can see a picture of the kind of houses here in Eureka:
Abandoned House
Non-abandoned House
When a massive construction project began nearby, it was the talk of the town for weeks. Why would they build something in a sleepy dying town like Eureka? It wasn’t until my sister Selene talked to a few construction workers that we discovered they were building a casino.
A casino up in the mountains, over two hours away from Denver. None of us could understand why they’d chosen here of all places. After a few months of work, the casino was done.
I took a picture of the town with the completed casino in the background to the right. The ten-story-structure sticks out like a sore thumb off in the distance.
Town+Casino
After the casino opened, they hired a few dozen members of the town, offering high paying jobs to work as dealers or cleaning staff. I was already employed as a firefighter, but my sister Selene got a job as a blackjack dealer. She’s a widow with two young kids, so the paycheck was a real lifesaver.
Still, something about the situation seemed too good to be true. The jobs over there paid far too well, and the management was far too accommodating. The fire station where I work is located high on a hill overlooking the town, so I began watching the casino from a distance each day.
I had initially thought that the casino was located in a terrible location, but I was apparently wrong. True, Eureka was hours from any major city, but despite that, a bus full of people arrived every morning and left every evening.
One night I was over at my parent’s house and had dinner with Selene and her kids. I asked her about her experience as a dealer.
“It’s Ok,” she said. “Just a little boring I guess.”
“Boring?” I asked. “I’m surprised you don’t have your hands full.”
“Why’s that?” she asked. “It’s like you said, Eureka’s too small. I never have people playing cards. The casino is almost always completely empty.”
I wasn’t sure what to make of that. If the place was always empty, what happened to the people who I’d seen arriving on buses? “I’ve been keeping an eye on the building,” I said. “A bus full of people typically arrives around 9 AM every day.”
“Really?” she asked, looking confused. “If that’s true, I’ve never seen them.
“I can see it from the fire station,” I said. “If you head out for a smoke break at 9 AM, you’ll probably see them arriving.”
“Interesting,” she said. “I’ll do that. If they’re being processed for their organs or something, I’ll let you know.” She laughed.
“Har har,” I said sarcastically.
The next night she sent me a text calling me over. When I arrived, she was nearly breathless with excitement.
“Orin, You were right,” she said. “A big group of people did arrive, but they didn’t walk into my part of the casino. Instead, they all walked into an elevator at the back of the building. I’m not sure where that goes.” She looked thoughtful. “It was weird. They looked… How can I say it? Desperate? Something about the whole situation was very off. I’m gonna check out the elevator tomorrow.”
I told her to be careful, though, to be honest, I was excited to hear about what she discovered. When I visited my parent’s house the next night, I found her two kids there alone. They told me that Selene had never returned from work.
I called all her friends, then all our neighbors, but no one had seen her since she left for work that morning. Our conversations regarding the casino flooded my mind, then a plan began to form.
Early the next morning I walked across town in my nicest pair of jeans and a button-up shirt. I pushed through the door to the casino and saw that Selene wasn’t lying. The place was all but deserted. Three dozen slot machines crowded the walls surrounding a few tables interspersed throughout the floor of the casino. The only players in the whole building were Bob and Donald, two locals.
I walked up to a nearby table where Bridget, a girl I’d gone to high school with, was shuffling cards. She broke into a grin when she saw me. “Hey Orin, you here for a few rounds of blackjack?”
“I wish,” I said. “No, I’m here to ask about Selene. She never made it home last night.”
Bridget’s expression darkened. “Really? Have you asked around?”
“I already called around. Have you seen her?”
She shook her head. “No, our schedules rarely line up. I’ll be sure to let you know if I--” Her eyes focused on something behind me, and she cut herself off.
I turned around to see the casino’s pit boss watching us both. He was a tall thin man in an impeccably clean black suit. When I turned back towards Bridget, she was looking down at the table and shuffling cards absent-mindedly.
“Well, if you hear anything, let me know,” I said.
She nodded, so I turned around and headed for the pit boss. I stuck out my hand. The temperature of his hand was so hot that I had to pull my hand away after a few seconds.
“Have… have you seen my sister Selene?” I asked. “She hasn’t been seen since her shift here yesterday.”
He smiled. “Sir, this floor is for players. You’re more than welcome to head to the tellers for chips, but barring that I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave.”
I stared at him for a long second before stalking towards the door. When I looked back, he was talking with Bridget.
I checked my watch. 8:55 AM, just as I’d planned. I walked around the back of the building and waited as the morning bus pulled around the building. I waited for the telltale hiss of the opening doors and the sound of people descending before I rounded the corner and joined the crowd. None of them paid any particular attention to me as I walked with them into the casino.
The crowd walked through a side door down a hallway to an elevator. Small groups of people entered the elevator as the rest of us waited for our turn. I shot a glance at the casino patrons, surprised at their diversity. There seemed to be people from all different countries and ethnicities. I heard one speaking Japanese and another speaking what sounded like an African language.
My turn came along with a few other patrons in the elevator. A sickly woman hobbled into the elevator beside me carrying an IV that was still connected to one of her veins. We piled in and rode up to the top.
The elevator rose for a few long seconds. I wasn’t sure what I would find, but I steeled myself for something horrible. The elevator’s speaker let out a TING, then the doors opened.
We all walked out onto what looked like a standard casino. Another few dozen slot machines ringed the walls, but on this floor, they were almost all occupied by customers. I took in the scene, confused at why they’d have a ground floor that was almost completely empty when this place was almost--
Selene was dealing cards at a nearby table.
I jogged over and sat down at an open seat. None of the players around me paid me much attention.
“Selene!” I said. “Are you OK? Did you spend the night here last night?”
Her eyes were glassy and confused. She looked up at me with a dumb expression and didn’t respond to my question.
“Selene?” I asked.
“What’s your bet?” she asked me. “This table is for blackjack players only.”
“I…” I trailed off, looking at the players around me. None of them were betting with chips of any kind. “What’s the minimum bet?” I asked.
“Three years,” she responded.
“Three years then,” I said, not knowing what that referred to.
Selene nodded, then began dealing cards. I shot a look down at my hand. King and a 9. Selene dealt out cards for herself, showing a 9. I stood, then leaned forward again. “Should I call the police? Are you--”
“Congratulations,” she said tonelessly.
An almost impossibly warm hand grabbed my shoulder. I spun to see the pit boss I’d spoken to earlier. He gave an impressed smile. “Orin, was it? I’m impressed, truly. Would you mind if I had a word with you?”
I shot a look back at Selene who was dealing the next round of cards. Then I got to my feet, balling my hands into fists. “What did you do to her?”
The pit boss clasped his hands behind his back. “Nothing more, and nothing less than what I’m going to do to you. That is, offer you the chance to play.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
The pit boss nodded his head towards a nearby slot machine. A woman in a wheelchair pulled a lever and watched the flashing numbers spin. They exploded in a cacophony of sirens and flashing lights. “WINNER WINNER WINNER!” The machine screeched.
The woman in the wheelchair put her feet on the ground and stood up on a pair of wobbly legs that had clearly never been used before.
“As in any other casino,” the pit boss said, “you must wager for the chance to win.”
“She... won the use of her legs?” I asked, feeling light-headed. “Wait,” I said. “I played blackjack just now. ‘Three years,’ Selene told me. What does ‘three years’ mean?” I asked.
“Three years of life, of course. Did you win?”
My mouth felt dry. “I-- Yes, I won.”
He smiled warmly. “Congratulations. I hope you enjoy them. I can tell you from personal experience that watching the decades pass is a bore. Give it some time and you’ll be back to spend them.”
I watched the pit boss’s face. He couldn’t have been more than a few years older than me, and I was in my early thirties. I looked around at the casino. No one was playing with chips of any kind. “So what?” I asked. “I won years of life. That woman won the use of her legs. What else can a person win here?”
“Oh, almost anything. They can win almost anything you can imagine.”
A cold feeling settled in my stomach. “And what do they wager?”
His eyes flashed with greed. “Almost anything. They can wager almost anything you can possibly imagine. Anything equal in value to the item they want in return.” He nodded towards a nearby roulette table.
A man stood by the table, cradling his hands. “Another finger,” he called out. He only had three fingers remaining on his left hand. As I watched, the ball came to a stop, and another finger disappeared from his left hand.
The pit boss extended his hands. “Feel free to try any of our games. Bet and win whatever you’d like.” He reached out and snatched my hand. A feeling of intense warmth passed up my arm to my chest. “There,” he said. “I’ve even given you some house money to get you started. An extra decade of life, on me.”
I ripped my hand away, staring at him in horror. Then I looked back at Selene. Something clicked in my mind. “You offered her the chance to play. What did she want?” I asked.
“Her husband,” the pit boss said. “Quite the sad story. He died two years ago. She wanted him brought back to her.”
“What did she wager?” I asked.
“She wanted the chance to win a soul, the most valuable object in existence. I’m sure you can imagine what she needed to wager for the chance to win it. What she wagered is unimportant. The important question is: What do you want, Orin?”
I stared at Selene with a flat expression. “I’m sure you can imagine.”
His eyes flashed with greed again. “How wonderful. The casino could always make use of another dealer. Feel free to make your wager at any one of our games; I’ll be eagerly awaiting the results of your night. Oh, and do take advantage of our waitresses. We always supply food and drink for ‘high rollers’.” He walked away.
I spent the next few hours trying to decide which game to play. I was going to be wagering my soul, so I wanted the highest chance possible. Slots and roulette were out. I’d done some reading online about counting cards, so I figured that blackjack gave me the best odds.
I walked up to Selene’s table and sat down. “Bet?” she asked with that same toneless voice. “Three years,” I said.
I spent the next hour or so doing my best to remember how to count cards. I knew that low cards added one to my count and high cards decreased it by one, but the casino used three decks. I had read something about how that was supposed to change my calculation, but I couldn’t quite remember how.
Every time I won a hand, I cursed myself for not putting everything on the line. Every time I lost, I breathed a prayer of thanks that I’d waited. And all the while, I kept track of the count.
I had lost fifteen years of life when the count finally reached +5.
“Bet?” Selene asked.
“I wager my soul so you can be free,” I said.
The table around me fell silent. Selene’s eyes flickered, but she showed no other emotion as she dealt the cards. I watched my first card, punching the air in excitement when I saw a Jack. My excitement turned to ash when my second card was a four. Fourteen.
I looked at her hand. One card was facedown, but the faceup card was a King. I swore loudly, staring down at my hands.
“Hit?” she asked. The entire table was silently watching me.
“Hit,” I said, not looking down. The table erupted in cheers. I looked down to see a 7 atop my two other cards. 21. Blackjack.
I looked at Selene who flipped over her facedown card to reveal a 9. 19. I won.
The glassy look left her eyes immediately. She looked around in surprise, then her eyes locked on mine. “Orin?” she asked, then almost immediately began to cry. The entire casino broke out in cheers.
I grabbed her hand and headed for the elevator. The doors had begun to close when the pit boss reached out with a hand to stop them.
“Congratulations,” he said, beaming. He seemed to be honestly excited.
“Shouldn’t you be upset?” I asked.
“Not at all. Casinos love it when we have big winners. It inspires the other players to make larger bets. I imagine I’ll gain two or three dealers before the night is through from your performance.”
“Great,” I said flatly. “Now let us go.”
“Not yet,” he said. “You didn’t just win, Orin. You got a blackjack. And blackjack pays out 1.5 times your bet. You won your sister’s soul and more.”
I stared, not sure what to say. “What are you saying? I won half a soul extra?”
The pit boss grinned wildly. “Just remember what I said. You’ll find living for decades and decades to be a boring experience. After a few centuries, you’ll be back to gamble that half a soul away. Congratulations!”
He removed his hand, and the elevator doors slammed shut.
I helped Selene back to her house. Her children were relieved. I watched them cry, then moved into the kitchen to start making dinner.
It’s been a few days since that experience. The casino is still out there, and buses full of people still arrive. I… I cut my hand pretty bad a few days later. When I checked it an hour later, it had already healed, no scar or anything. I’m not sure exactly what I won at that casino, but there’s no way I’m ever going back.
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submitted by Worchester_St to WorchesterStreet [link] [comments]

Analysis: Does Robin charge you too much for house upgrades and how I concluded she is a diety.

Analysis: Does Robin charge you too much for house upgrades and how I concluded she is a diety.
Ever since a Let’s Play got me into Stardew Valley, I’ve fallen in love with the world. It’s something special, a place to relax and get away from the world’s problems. Here, you can pay bills with the sweat of your own brow, make friends, fall in love, and can escape the drudgery of modern life. It’s magical in its own way.
I’ve played hundreds of hours over multiple save files. I’ve been wondering one thing just recently, however. I remember when I first asked Robin for house upgrades and the sheer bowel-emptying amount she asked for. Seriously? That much for a kitchen? Now that I haven’t left my house for the past several weeks, fear human contact, and have deep dived into the paranormal, I’m overthinking something constantly: with regards to modern housework, does Robin the carpenter over or under charge you for her work?
To figure this out, it’s going to require a fair bit of math and a lot of guesswork. I’m going to have to establish a lot of ground rules but I’m going to try and be as accurate to real world costs as I can. We need to learn four things:
  • What year does the game take place so we can calculate accurate inflation?
  • What is the square footage of the house and its upgrades?
  • What is the exchange value of gold, the game’s currency?
  • What is the cost of Robin’s labor?
Let’s tackle the first. To do this, I scoured around to look for modern conveniences. Primarily, I found these five:
  • Leah mentions she has a laptop
  • The carpentry shop sells Plasma screen TVs.
  • There is what appears to be an old Apple computer monitor in Harvey’s clinic and Maru’s room.
  • Sam has an electric guitar and what looks like a plasma screen computer monitor in his room.
  • In Mr. Qi’s casino, the slot machines do not have a lever. This is important because that gives us a firm earliest date of 1963.
Another interesting factoid is the number of Cathode-ray TVs you see in Stardew Valley. These are the precursors to plasma screens, which were in turn succeeded by LCD screen TVs. Additionally, a large number of your starter houses comes preequipped with Cathode-ray TVs. Granted, this may be because the farmhouse was abandoned for many years before you came along, but there exists another such TV in 1 River Road where we often see George watching his shows. I will concede that George and Evelyn are quite old and may not have the tech savvy nature of Sebastian to get something more modern, so that can’t be an accurate measurement. Plus, Alex’s mental acumen is a little... questionable.
As for crafting recipes, there really isn’t anything worth talking about. Magic items I won’t talk about because it has no real world comparison; that also throws out the wizard shop’s items. The furniture catalog has nothing of note to pinepoint a date, and nor does Pierre’s General Store, Joja Mart, Joja Warehouse, the Blacksmith, Stardrop Saloon, or Marnie’s ranch. Leah doesn’t mention anything about her laptop, so that is of little help.
So the casino gives us a low bound. Although manufacturing of the plasma screen TV stopped in the US in 2014, plasma screen TVs were losing their market shares around 2007 and factories were shutting down. As you can buy them like hotcakes and fill a shed with them, 2007 is our upper bound.
The price for plasma screens was quite pricey for residential homes. 1995 was the year 42 inch plasma screens became commercial, and some had home installation priced somewhere around US$15,000. Still not quite the size of the queen or king sized bed you and your spouse have (the size of the plasma screen in the game), but sixty inch plasma screen TVs were sold around the year 2000, and that is plenty big. Given the size of the screen in the game is roughly three tiles just like your bed, I think it’s safe to say this is around the size of our estimate. Our rough year range is now 1995 to 2007. Let’s split the difference and say the game takes place in 2001.
We have our year.
To calculate the size of our farmhouse, we need some baseline measurement. Luckily, the game is pixelated so we can be quite accurate in our measurements. Unluckily, we have no confirmed height of anything, so we have to intuit some things. Reddit user asparagus made this excellent size chart, so while I can just use that and save myself a lot of work, let us do some measurements of our own and then measure the farmhouse with both this method and asparagus’ method.
First, there is the height of plants, but those can vary widely. For instance, you can pot prickly pear cactuses in your farmhouse, but their height can vary anywhere between one and seven feet. Plant height is a no go. The average height of a minifridge is forty three inches (109 cm) tall, so unless you are a dwarf, that’s not right either. The fences are also a good starting point, as most agricultural fencing stands at four feet (1.2 m).
Here we don’t have to do much; all fences are forty eight pixels in height. Four feet equals out to forty eight inches (121.92 cm). It doesn’t get more perfect than that!
Trigger warning: incoming math.
Now comes the really tricky part: getting the dimensions of each iteration of your farmhouse, and squinting at my computer screen like a mole in order to count pixels; we must include walls as well as that is included in square footage. Our first iteration has pixel measurements of 704x496. Add in the doorway (136x64pixels), and then we’ll still convert for square feet. 704 * 496 + (136 * 64) = 318,452 pixels/sq, which (dividing by 12^2) converts to 2,211.47 ft/sq. Damn, we’re well on our way for most modern mansions.
I have to have messed something up (205.45 m/sq, btw). The average firebox (the inside of a fireplace where you burn wood) tends to be around 32x20 inches (81.28x50.8 cm). Ours is... 72x40. Twice as large. I also haven’t even begun to calculate the farmhouse’s height because Robin is beginning to scare me.
Alright, new plan, we’re going with asparagus. I married Haley and took her measurements. She is 104 pixels tall, and since she is 65 inches (165.1 cm) according to asparagus, that gives us a measurement of .625 inches/pixel (1.5875 cm/pixel).
Side note, I really want some Twizlers right now.
So instead of having pixels as at a 1:1 ratio, we have something a little more lenient, but things are looking a little... grim. We’ll have to convert each individual amount, so we have (704 * .625) * (496 * .625) + ((136 * 64) * .625^2) for 124,395.31 inches/sq, 863.86 ft/sq., 80.25 m/sq. But still, we haven’t even begun to calculate the actual volume of our farmhouse yet, so these numbers are going to explode.
I’m beginning to think Robin is Hestia. Yoba is not the only deity in this town.
Alright, calculating the rest of the floor spaces is a little boring so let’s speedrun this.
Wall height for the farmhouse is 140 pixels, so (140 * .625) * 124,395.31 inches/sq / 12^3 = 6,298.95 ft^3 (178.36 m^3) for the farmhouse, and 25,800.51 ft^3 (730.58 m^3) using my method.
Just... let’s move on.
Second iteration has me doing a fair bit more work.
Wall height is 135 pixels, and rightmost—wait, the walls are shorter? Weird. Anyway, the rightmost room has dimensions of 486 for width by 375 for depth (and the same cubby dimensions), giving us cuboid dimensions of 24,603,750 pixels^3, which converts to 14,238.28 ft^3 (403.18 m^3), and 3,476.14 ft^3 (82.83 m^3) using asparagus' method
Middle corridor has a dimensional width of 42 pixels by 87 depth, giving us a total of 285.47 ft^3 (8.08 m^3), and 69.69 ft^3 (1.97 m^3) using asparagus' method.
Leftmost room (the kitchen) has a width of 870 and depth of 375, with a doorway of 136x64. That gives us a cuboid area of 314,019.38 ft^3 (29,173.11 m^3), and 6,388.74 ft^3 (180.91 m^3) using asparagus' method.
That gives us a grand total for a tier two home of...
... 328,543.13 ft^3 (29,584.37 m^3) using my method and
... 9,934.58 ft^3 (281.31 m^3) using asparagus' method.
So Robin added at a minimum 3,635.63 cubic feet to your house in three days by herself. Even if you extend the days and months to roughly align with our own calendar, that would be a mere nine days. How much powdered starfruit did she snort in order to do that by herself? I 100% believe Emily is the town’s dealer. I didn’t even calculate the length of the farmhouse loft. It’s doable, and even though you can’t enter it in the game, a bigger farmhouse means a bigger loft judging by the look of it.
Anyway, I’m not going to calculate the loft area right now. I’m not going to calculate the other tiers of your farmhouse either, even though that was my intent when I started this analysis. The math is easy enough, but it gets boring to type, and no doubt to read. Plus, I’m a little stunned by Robin's carpentry acumen. C’mon Robin, stop upgrading my house. Exercise with the girls, dance with your husband, smoke some weed, I dunno, RELAX.
But in a strange way, it makes a weird sort of sense. Pretty much no one plays the game with auto-run turned off, but do so for a moment. See how fast you move. That is your normal pace, and auto-run is you, an Olympian god, sprinting around town every second of every day, helping the shit out of everyone whether they want it or not, snorting the same starfruit mixture you got from Robin to keep going, who may have gotten it from Linus (my money is still on Emily). We’ve become so accustomed to seeing the run animation as our default I almost didn’t realize it doesn’t translate to modern life. The boards in your house, I almost took those as your normal 2x4 planks of wood (which actually measure 1.5x3.5, the world lies to me). They are not. They are almost the width of your entire body, and your walking pace (sorry I can’t get an exact pixel measurement) covers roughly one and a half boards, a similar length to a normal human gait. The art style fooled even me until now, but your house is massive.
Let’s just answer our other two questions. What is the exchange rate? Calculating the exchange rate of a fictional world is always tricky as they have different concepts of rarities, but I’ll give it the ol’ college try. Once again, I can’t do anything with magic. Let’s first list some things of note:
  • Iridium is fairly easy to get around Stardew Valley once you are able, and that is a rare and valuable metal, with a current price of US$1,510 per troy ounce.
  • You can purchase a golden column to place on your farm, and gold has a current price of US$1,643 per troy ounce
  • Conversely, while the first two are rare and valuable metals, crops such as corn are valued at prices like 150g, a very unusually high amount if exchanged 1:1 to USA dollars.
  • Going back to plasma screen TVs, we can use its price history and then convert currencies to Stardew Valley gold.
Now you may be tempted to say we can’t translate iridium and gold’s prices to real world market values, and normally you may be right, but there are some extenuating circumstances in the game: the town is right next to two very large mines. It is even a plot point once you clear the glittering boulder that the water carries ore from deep inside the mountain. Yes, gold and iridium are valuable, but your location to ore veins is important; gold and iridium may be uncommon resources but you have access to very specific places where they are more common, otherwise known as the scarcity heuristic). This also explains two facts about iridium: discounting magic, iridium is quite rare in the game, just like real life. Secondly, Clint’s prices make a lot more sense not only because it’s endgame material, but because iridium is super dense and has a very high melting point, thus making it a very difficult material to work with.
But by far the biggest challenge of this question is figuring out whether or not items you produce factor in the cost of your labor or not. For instance, lace is made of simple materials that even in the days of Victorian England, it was easy to get. However because lace was so time consuming to make, it could command absurd prices. Thus, one of the first things we need to discover is whether or not the game takes into account cost of labor or not.
So I am going to take you all back to school and talk about someone who’s old and dead: Adam Smith. It was he who talked about the cost of labor in his book The Wealth of Nations, and because of that, I bring up this particular line:
“...From century to century, corn is a better measure than silver, because, from century to century, equal quantities of corn will command the same quantity of labour more nearly than equal quantities of silver.
Why did I mention corn above? This is why. Prices may vary, but agriculture has been around for thousands of years and the cost of a farmer’s labor equals about the same.
According to Dylan Baumann, Stardew Valley corn plants have a profit value of 535 gold per plant. Our corn plant profits are about as high as they can get without adding something new into the mix, and we don’t want that yet.
Let’s set some ground rules:
  • Cultivatable farm space on the standard farm equals out to 3,427 spaces, but we’ll round that down to 3,350 for iridium sprinklers, iridium watering can, and scarecrows, equaling maximum farming with no loss of crop.
  • We’ll keep Dylan’s ground rules, so no fertilizer.
  • No preserves, jams, wine, and juices.
  • No farming efficiencies and crop selling bonuses.
  • No use of the greenhouse to grow crops outside of the growing season.
If you plant the entire farm with corn and stop harvesting on Fall day 28 when the growing season ends, that lets you harvest a total of 11 ears of corn per plant. Multiply that by 3,350, we get a total of 36,850 ears of corn for your entire farm. Corn is measured in bushels, and a bushel of corn can be anywhere between 40 and 60 ears of corn, but we’ll say you really pack it in for 60, meaning your growing season for corn produces 36,850 / 60 corn for a total of 614.17 bushels per year.
The USDA has a 2001 labor value of corn at US$2.92 per acre (and that matches the Iowa labor statistic), and using 156 bushels per acre, that brings our labor cost per bushel at... US$00.02. That’s a real pittance. Considering bushels of corn retailed around $2.11 per bushel in 2001, that is an incredible markup of 184.85 times.
We’re almost done with the dreaded math, I swear.
Corn retails at 100g apiece in Stardew Valley(You get 50 gold from Pierre, so he has a 100% markup), meaning the labor cost should be around 184.85 times less that amount, meaning it takes about 0.54 gold to make one ear of corn.
Your average US farmers salary $55,000 and $100,000, and we’ll take the middle of $77,500 for our measurements. Dividing the farmer’s salary by the total ears of corn our farmer grows in Stardew Valley, we get a labor cost per ear of corn in US dollars of $2.10 per ear of corn. Now we multiply this by our markup ratio to get the IRL retail cost of corn in Stardew, getting US$237.08! Damn that better be some good eating! We divide that number by the Stardew Valley retail cost of corn, netting us a real world conversion of gold of, drumroll please, $2.37 US dollars per gold in 2001.
Now just for funzies, let us calculate the actual salary of your famer in Stardew Valley. Multiplying your 36,850 ears of corn by 50 gold (your selling price of gold, not the retail price of 100g), that nets you 1,842,500 gold per growing season. Multiply that by the dollagold conversion we just calculated and your real life gross income comes out to be US$436,672,500.
Give me all of the golden clocks, wizard.
Three questions down, one more to go. Currency conversion was rather tricky because it involved quite a lot of math, but this last question, what is the cost of Robin’s labor, that requires the most assumptions. There’s an easy answer and a hard answer.
Robin’s upgrades, except for the last, require you the farmer to give her resources in addition to gold. The simple answer is you are providing materials in order to keep the raw gold cost down. This means that the first house upgrade, 10,000 gold, is strictly her labor cost as the 450 wood is all the raw materials she needs to build. 3 days * 3 months (to adjust Stardew month lengths to our month lengths) comes out to Robin working an IRL equivalent to 9 days. Taking 10,000 gold / 9 days equals a cost of 1,111.111 gold per day, and considering Robin has snorted enough powdered starfruit to have 20 hour work days, that comes out to 55.56 gold per hour.
Just to be sure, let’s see if the math holds up for the last upgrade. That one requires a cost of 100,000 gold and comes preequipped with 33 casks. You do not provide the resources for the casks, meaning that comes included with the cost. Casks cannot be sold, but the materials required to make them are 20 wood and 1 hardwood, which Robin will provide for the same 100% markup (meaning 4 gold and 30 gold respectively). 4 gold * 30 gold * 33 casks comes out to 3,960 gold. Using the same calculations for the first house iteration, we get (100,000 gold - 3,960) / (3 days * 3 months) / 20 hours for a total of 533.56 gold per hour.
Not even close to our first estimate. We could just average them together for (533.56 + 55.56) / 2 = 294.56 gold, and that would be the easy answer. It would be nice to settle for the easy answer.
Let’s find the hard answer. We are going to calculate labor cost per square footage, and luckily most of the work has been done over the course of several google spreadsheets. To find the cost of materials and money per upgrade volume we get the formula (Upgrade volume - Base Volume) / 10,000 gold. This gives us a grand total of cubic material built per gold of...
...2,573.26 in^3/gold, 30.27 ft^3/gold, 2.89 m^3/gold using my method and
...628.24 in^3/gold, 0.36 ft^3/gold, 0.01 m^3/gold using asparagus’ method.
Let’s see if the math holds up for the basement upgrade and dammit I just realized I got to do more pixel measurements now. Hold on, be back in an hour.
Alright, I’m back. We don’t need to do any subtraction for the previous volume of the house considering the cellar is its own little area, but we still need to subtract the value of the materials used for the casks. The cellar comes out to a grand total of cubic materials built per gold of...
...386.91 in^3/gold, 0.22 ft^3/gold, 0.01 m^3/gold using my method and
...94.46 in^3/gold, 0.05 ft^3/gold, 0.0015 m^3/gold using asparagus’ method.
Huge discrepancy.
Before I get into my reasoning why, let us outline what we know first.
  • We’re pretty sure the game takes place in 2001.
  • We have the exact sizes of each house upgrade calculated with two different methods.
  • We have a certified exchange rate of US$2.37 at that point in time.
  • We have two different methods of calculating the cost of Robin’s labor.
  • The amount of work Robin does during her three(nine?) day job is absolutely obscene.
I come to one conclusion: Robin is a god that has settled down in the world of Stardew Valley.
Here me out. I have three pieces of evidence.
The first is when Robin is hired to take on a house upgrade job no one helps her, not even her husband Demetrius. Your house is right next to hers, so you’re not paying for travel. As we have shown by our calculations above and in the gDoc spreadsheet, that is a massive amount of work. It’s simply not possible for a human to accomplish such a monumental task. Robin claims she built her own home herself with this line from the game...
“Have I told you that I built our house from the ground up? It's definitely been the highlight of my career so far.”
...so we know her carpentry acumen is impressive enough for the job, but she has severely understated her skill. Homeadvisor pegs a house costing anywhere between US$150,000 to US$500,000 (US$102,005.53 to $340,018.44, adjusted for 2001 inflation), but even adjusted for inflation, Robin absolutely underbids the current housing market. Those inflation adjusted values, when converted to gold, come out to a range of 43,040.31g-143,467.70g. Granted, these prices are for a complete house, not adding onto a current house, but even if we half the value you are getting one hell of a discount.
The second piece is Robin’s language. The sheer passion for her work speaks wonders..
“Wood is a wonderful substance... it's versatile, cheap, strong, and each piece has its own unique character!”
...but perhaps she is just passionate about what she does. Many people are, but knowing what we do about how dirt cheap and blindingly fast she works let’s go into more detail about some things, specifically three lines. The first...
“Our little plan worked out well, don't you think? Pam and Penny seem really happy.”
...is said after Pam’s house undergoes an upgrade. “Our” plan? Sure, you are the one that buys the upgrade and Robin has to build it, but I can’t help but feel there is a double meaning behind this language. It is done out of the kindness of Robin’s heart and the materials have to come from somewhere, so she can’t do it for free, but it wasn’t about the money, as we have stated previously. It was about Penny.
Pam is a somewhat contentious person because of slobbish and slovenly nature. She is immediately and irrationally angered when Penny tries to pick the place up. She drinks heavily...
“\sigh*... My mother definitely has a problem with going to the saloon too much. But it's best not to dwell on bad things, right?”*
...doesn’t seem to understand not paying her tab has some consequences, and doesn’t realize what her habits have done to her daughter’s psyche.
Then you, the player come along. Pam is okay with the simple things in life, but you help Penny with her worries and insecurities, and then with you and Robin together, you give Penny everything she needs to help her shed those worries. She has a house that doesn have problems with rain, two friends who look out for her, her mom has a job, and most importantly she has peace of mind and in a world fraught with problems, that is truly priceless.
This is the second line...
“Hey! I heard some weird noises last night, and woke up this morning to find the quarry bridge completely repaired! It's a miracle of woodworking!”
...and it occurs once you offer items to the community center junimos to get the quarry bridge repaired.
It is also a bald-faced lie.
The junimos are good, don’t get me wrong, but we’ve seen what Robin can do with our own two eyes. She is absolutely incredible at her job, and while I may give it to her she has no idea what junimos are or what they are capable of, we have proof that the act of restoring the bridge in one night is not out of the realm of possibility for her. A miracle, yes, but I’m certain she can beat the junimos’ time.
Lastly, there is one quote from her that is just... it opens up some very interesting questions. When she says...
“My parents were bewildered when I told them I wanted to be a carpenter. They were pretty old-fashioned.”
...how old are her parents when they consider carpentry too new-fashioned for them? Carpentry is one of the world’s oldest professions. If they were old-fashioned, why were they bewildered?
This line is just so fascinating to me. Robin is incredibly skilled, but I cannot rationalize carpentry being too newfangled for parents to wrap their head around. Who were they? Where are they from? I know your secrets, Robin, I know your parents are gods, too.
The third and final piece is the contrasting pieces of the world at large. Just like ours, it’s a little depressing. Joja Corp runs dozens of what even Cyberpunk would consider a dataslave farm. The world is flooded with consumerism run amok, Orwellian surveillance, and rampant urbanization. The Ferngill Republic is in the middle of a war with the Gotoro Empire and Kent still suffers PTSD from being in a prisoner of war camp.
Stardew Valley isn’t just a town to retire in, it is a place of respite and healing. There are three confirmed magic users deeply tied to the town’s mystical roots. The bears speak and encourage you to manage the world around you. You are rewarded for restoring balance to the valley by being able to recycle things you don’t need. Your main resource in the game, gold, also doesn’t matter that much; if it ever slips into the negative, nothing bad ever happens. You must just work to raise it back up. There is no lose condition in the game.
In many respects it is similar to the Gaiaism philosophy that all living beings are connected, each relying and depending on each other in order to maintain a peaceful coexistence. You help Shane with his nihilism and depression, Sebastian with his ability to express and accept affection, Sam with his dreams, Kent with his problems, Leah with her ambitions, Haley with her generosity and narcissism, or even simple goals like Penny’s idea of a quiet domestic life.
Whether it is the addicted, lost, or scorned, everyone is welcome and everyone can have a home in Stardew Valley. No one embodies this more than Robin who just wants a simple life. Whether it is her own house or her own boat during the Dance of the Moonlight Jellies, Robin builds it herself. The feel of wood grain, the smell of lacquer, the stickiness of stain, the thrum of the saw, and the bite of the axe. Robin doesn’t charge you nearly enough for your house upgrades because it is not about the money. Woodworking is what she loves and she lives in a place where barterism, kindness, family, and friendship substitute so many of life's modern problems and inconveniences.
Friendship increases in the game aren’t just a measurement of achievements, a means of getting more recipes, or more candles lit on a grave. You are making friends and getting to know these people for who they are and everyone’s life is bettered because of it. The amount of love I’ve seen for Linus is just staggering. Shane, in all of his melancholy and despite him not being a suitor in the original version of the game, is loved by so many. I know some despise Haley, but I love that I was able to show her what kindness can do for people.
You are in a gentle and loving place, and you are loved.
What a better place for a god to reside? A quiet town filled with peace and love, seeped in nature and the old magics of yore. A loving mate, a family to raise. Land to share with those that forage from its bounty. It’s all she needs.
Robin’s role in all of this? She desires neither worship nor admiration. She is just a friend. A god, certainly, but a friend first and foremost who is just settling down in a quiet town looking for a little peace.

https://preview.redd.it/fkugiuh4nwv51.png?width=507&format=png&auto=webp&s=146d3dabaa63c0ce3bfd281712434e9b2a655be8
Image by MagicallyClueless
submitted by doctorsirus to StardewValley [link] [comments]

Today I signed the first few pages of hiring paperwork for my dream job.

I started learning how to play poker when I was 11 years old. One of my favorite uncles (Mind you, they were all pretty much my favorite. I have a wonderful extended family.) came into town one holiday and sat me down and taught me the basics of Texas Hold ‘Em. I played off and on in person and online for the following years to come.
When I was 16, my mother remarried a man who hosted a “dealer’s choice” quarter game every Sunday and had done so for 30 years prior. When I was 18, I was finally allowed to play in that game. I played with those old heads for three or four years before I moved to another part of the state.
After high school I had absolutely zero idea what I wanted to do with my life and I had accrued debt long before I realized how that would negatively affect my life. So I did a lot of various entry level jobs, bouncing across various cities and states trying to find myself.
After a bit of soul-searching and a series of random (and some unfortunate) events, I found myself, giddy as all get-out, to be in a blackjack dealer training class. After six weeks of unpaid training and a lot of practice, the day before Thanksgiving 2017 I started my career of dealing cards. It was a start for me, but from day one I said “I became a dealer to deal Poker.”
With my love for card games, it wasn’t hard to see from day one how much I absolutely adored the casino atmosphere, especially on the weekends when the bands are playing and people are dancing and drinking and having a good time (pre-COVID I mean, things are weird now) and I was never afraid to dance around and have fun on any table while dealing whatever game that I was scheduled on.
In my previous casino, every dealer was required to deal Blackjack and core games like Let-It-Ride, 3-Card Poker and 4-Card Poker. Dealers could take additional games if they wanted, like Roulette, Baccarat, Craps, and Poker, but regardless of the additional games that you take, every dealer is still required to deal Blackjack or core games if needed at any time.
With that being said, for the last three years in my casino every player, coworker, floor, pit boss, manager knew I was there for the poker room and dealt poker every single chance I got. My passion for poker and my desire to travel the world and become the greatest poker dealer that I could become in this life was never a secret.
Well in August, due to a very horrible series of life events, I left the casino that I had loved for so many years and had to move out of my apartment and back in with family to get my bearings back and figure out the next steps to take. I decided to try something that I wasn’t sure I would be able to do. Go from my tiny town casino where I dealt Poker and Tables Games alike to a Poker Room where I would be dealing Poker and Poker only.
So! After all of that backstory and introduction (Sorry, I don’t get out much) I’m writing this today because I had gotten the call from my first choice casino today and I found out that I had passed my audition and they were extending an offer of employment to me and I was to start the onboarding process as soon as possible! From what I’ve gathered, this Poker Room is one of the best on this side of the country. So.. I’m telling you, internet, because I thought maybe in this horrible, crappy time you guys may enjoy hearing a story of a girl receiving the job of her dreams today. I’m pretty stoked. Holy cricket this is happening!
submitted by MightMakethRight to CasualConversation [link] [comments]

Please read this

Depressed and anxious
I am new to reddit — I’ve been browsing around for a while now, but I’ve lacked the courage to post anything. I can relate to a lot of what has been posted, and I now feel like it’s time that I share my story:
I grew up in a chaotic household (like I’m sure a lot of you have): my mother was mentally unstable given my father lacked a steady income and was constantly finding and experimenting with entrepreneurial projects that failed to provide our family with any steady source of income. My most vivid memories (when I can actually remember, which is difficult when you have MDD) are my parents fighting constantly about mortgage payments, infidelity on business trips, and lack of extended family support. My parents divorced when I was 12 — I I lived in multiple houses growing up with my mom, and my dad has been in and out of my life ever since, though he’s been more involved these past couple of years (I actually lived on his couch from 25 to 26).
However, fortunately, I was able to push through (or ignore)a lot of these family problems growing up, though I was still considered weird by a lot of people my age. I was an excellent high school student: I graduated with a 4.2 gpa and played two sports in which I was a captain for one them senior year. I went on to an elite private college on the east coast in which I played a varsity sport for 4 years. I had an amazing gf who I loved very much (we were together for 4 years in college, and one year after). I was confident and genuinely believed in myself: I didn’t have a fake belief in myself, but a deep love and care for myself. I graduated with a solid gpa as well as a couple of awards for both sports and academics.
After I graduated, my life spiraled out of control: I became deeply, deeply depressed and started to hate my self, a hatred so deep words cannot describe how I felt. I was stuck at a job that meant nothing to me, and spent my weekends indulging in alcohol and marijuana (my brain doesn’t react well to either of those substances). Each day I started to feel more and more “out of it”, emotionally numb, and dysphoric: I felt nothing, there was nothing to live for, and I stopped enjoying everything that used to bring me meaning and joy. I quit my job after 7 months, and I moved back home, leaving behind everything that I worked hard for: a job, friends that respected me, and a loving gf.
After moving back, I was EXTREMELY heart broken after leaving my ex: I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t able to be the rock and support system for her anymore, I couldn’t understand why I felt so emotionally numb, and I couldn’t understand why there wasn’t any intimacy or passion in the sex or relationship anymore. I started to question my entire existence and identity, and I fell into the darkest depression a person could fall into: I literally questioned everything — I didn’t know my name, my gender, where I was born, my sexual orientation. Nothing felt real — I couldn’t tell real memories from fake memories. I had no sense of self which was slowly destroying me.
Fast forward a year - I was living at home, unemployed and miserable. I ended up taking the GRE and applied to a graduate program at an Ivy League school. Got in, did that, but I still hated my self the whole time (depression, dysphoria, anxiety) it was just that I was able to hide it and distract myself in academics.
After getting my grad degree, I moved home, and I failed to keep in contact with everyone I met in school. Again, the cycle continued: depressed, dysphoric, unemployed, anxious, living at home, and lonely. I couldn’t figure out how to hold on to a job or even find one; I just wanted to go back to school again for the third time, take out more loans, and become further in debt. I stopped caring completely, about everything.
I started to watch porn, have sex with random girls to boost my self esteem (it never did) and drink heavily, and I also got into COCAINE, which completely destroyed me: I felt worthless and lost before, oh boy did cocaine just absolutely fuck me up. My delusions and dysphoria started to worsen: my life goal was to become a cocaine dealer in Mexico (started looking at plane tickets) or a lady boy in Thailand. My entire sex drive was in ruins: I had nothing solid to hold onto, again, a very fragile self image around who I was as human being with very intense dysphoria. For example, I would have repeated videos in my brain of being raped over and over again: I genuinely believed I was a victim of childhood rape, but there is no evidence of that. I went on a cocaine and alcohol binge one night, and the only thing I remember is the next morning being driven to the emergency room: I had gotten the shit beat out of me at the bar, been handcuffed by the cops, driven home by them, and started threatening to kill myself as well as my entire family. At the emergency room, I had an insanely high blood alcohol content as well as cocaine in my system (even the day after). I talked to the social workepsychologist there, and he determined that I was suicidal and delusional, so he put me in the schizophrenic unit of the psych ward for three days, but after the first day I was moved to the major depression and anxiety unit as they believed that was a better fit.
I got out after 4 or 5 days, and I went to see a mental health professional voluntarily for the first time since I was a child: I saw a psychologist when I was young, but that was it. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with Psychotic features, and I was prescribed Abilify and Lexapro. I had been taking both for about a year and a half; however, I went cold turkey on the Lexapro two or three weeks ago and tapered off the Abilify myself a month and a half ago: I just couldn’t stand the weight gain ( I probably gained 50 lbs) and it really didn’t make me feel at peace with myself, it was a bandaid, and I genuinely knew that from the bottom of my heart.
Moved back to the Ivy League town where I graduated from, and I was able to find a job doing consulting work (think about one of those jobs that only rich connected people get); but I quit after 8 months because I wanted to become a professional poker player. I moved to Las Vegas, got an apartment, and started playing at the casinos. Covid happened, I lost my money, and moved back home again. Again, cycle repeats itself.
I recently found a job in another state doing bullshit office work: think Dilbert or Office Space. But, I have come to terms with it, and I’m doing my best to find joy in the little things. I have completely quit alcohol: it’s not even an option. I’m done with it, forever. Drugs and alcohol absolutely crush me.
I still have intense bouts of crippling depression and anxiety attacks which I’ve come to realize are fueled by my inability to understand who I am or hold onto any sort of solid self image of myself at the deepest level: this prevents me from seeking out genuine relationships with other people, whether that be friends or a significant other. I am still questioning all aspects of my self: Am I straight or gay? Am I male or female? Where am I from? What is my name? Who are my family members? Memories don’t seem real, nothing seems real anymore. It’s wearing me down, and I can’t imagine that a person could go through so much pain and still exist. It’s a miracle.
I’m seeing a new psychiatrist, and I am hopeful he will help. I’ve been stable before, relatively content and at peace with myself; I am hoping to get back to that place again. I can’t give up.
Thanks for reading.
I left some stuff out, but that’s pretty much the gist of it. Would love to hear some feedback or stories you have. Let me know if you can relate to any parts of my experience.
submitted by Worldly-Cantaloupe-6 to depression [link] [comments]

Theory: One Stardew Valley villager is secretly a God

Ever since a Let’s Play got me into Stardew Valley, I’ve fallen in love with the world. It’s something special, a place to relax and get away from the world’s problems. Here, you can pay bills with the sweat of your own brow, make friends, fall in love, and can escape the drudgery of modern life. It’s magical in its own way.
I’ve played hundreds of hours over multiple save files. I’ve been wondering one thing just recently, however. I remember when I first asked Robin for house upgrades and the sheer bowel-emptying amount she asked for. Seriously? That much for a kitchen? Now that I haven’t left my house for the past several weeks, fear human contact, and have deep dived into the paranormal, I’m overthinking something constantly: with regards to modern housework, does Robin the carpenter over or under charge you for her work?
To figure this out, it’s going to require a fair bit of math and a lot of guesswork. I’m going to have to establish a lot of ground rules but I’m going to try and be as accurate to real world costs as I can. We need to learn four things:
Let’s tackle the first. To do this, I scoured around to look for modern conveniences. Primarily, I found these five:
Another interesting factoid is the number of Cathode-ray TVs you see in Stardew Valley. These are the precursors to plasma screens, which were in turn succeeded by LCD screen TVs. Additionally, a large number of your starter houses comes preequipped with Cathode-ray TVs. Granted, this may be because the farmhouse was abandoned for many years before you came along, but there exists another such TV in 1 River Road where we often see George watching his shows. I will concede that George and Evelyn are quite old and may not have the tech savvy nature of Sebastian to get something more modern, so that can’t be an accurate measurement. Plus, Alex’s mental acumen is a little... questionable.
As for crafting recipes, there really isn’t anything worth talking about. Magic items I won’t talk about because it has no real world comparison; that also throws out the wizard shop’s items. The furniture catalog has nothing of note to pinepoint a date, and nor does Pierre’s General Store, Joja Mart, Joja Warehouse, the Blacksmith, Stardrop Saloon, or Marnie’s ranch. Leah doesn’t mention anything about her laptop, so that is of little help.
So the casino gives us a low bound. Although manufacturing of the plasma screen TV stopped in the US in 2014, plasma screen TVs were losing their market shares around 2007 and factories were shutting down. As you can buy them like hotcakes and fill a shed with them, 2007 is our upper bound.
The price for plasma screens was quite pricey for residential homes. 1995 was the year 42 inch plasma screens became commercial, and some had home installation priced somewhere around US$15,000. Still not quite the size of the queen or king sized bed you and your spouse have (the size of the plasma screen in the game), but sixty inch plasma screen TVs were sold around the year 2000, and that is plenty big. Given the size of the screen in the game is roughly three tiles just like your bed, I think it’s safe to say this is around the size of our estimate. Our rough year range is now 1995 to 2007. Let’s split the difference and say the game takes place in 2001.
We have our year.
To calculate the size of our farmhouse, we need some baseline measurement. Luckily, the game is pixelated so we can be quite accurate in our measurements. Unluckily, we have no confirmed height of anything, so we have to intuit some things. Reddit user asparagus made this excellent size chart, so while I can just use that and save myself a lot of work, let us do some measurements of our own and then measure the farmhouse with both this method and asparagus’ method.
First, there is the height of plants, but those can vary widely. For instance, you can pot prickly pear cactuses in your farmhouse, but their height can vary anywhere between one and seven feet. Plant height is a no go. The average height of a minifridge is forty three inches (109 cm) tall, so unless you are a dwarf, that’s not right either. The fences are also a good starting point, as most agricultural fencing stands at four feet (1.2 m).
Here we don’t have to do much; all fences are forty eight pixels in height. Four feet equals out to forty eight inches (121.92 cm). It doesn’t get more perfect than that!
Trigger warning: incoming math.
Now comes the really tricky part: getting the dimensions of each iteration of your farmhouse, and squinting at my computer screen like a mole in order to count pixels; we must include walls as well as that is included in square footage. Our first iteration has pixel measurements of 704x496. Add in the doorway (136x64pixels), and then we’ll still convert for square feet. 704 * 496 + (136 * 64) = 318,452 pixels/sq, which (dividing by 12^2) converts to 2,211.47 ft/sq. Damn, we’re well on our way for most modern mansions.
I have to have messed something up (205.45 m/sq, btw). The average firebox (the inside of a fireplace where you burn wood) tends to be around 32x20 inches (81.28x50.8 cm). Ours is... 72x40. Twice as large. I also haven’t even begun to calculate the farmhouse’s height because Robin is beginning to scare me.
Alright, new plan, we’re going with asparagus. I married Haley and took her measurements. She is 104 pixels tall, and since she is 65 inches (165.1 cm) according to asparagus, that gives us a measurement of .625 inches/pixel (1.5875 cm/pixel).
Side note, I really want some Twizlers right now.
So instead of having pixels as at a 1:1 ratio, we have something a little more lenient, but things are looking a little... grim. We’ll have to convert each individual amount, so we have (704 * .625) * (496 * .625) + ((136 * 64) * .625^2) for 124,395.31 inches/sq, 863.86 ft/sq., 80.25 m/sq. But still, we haven’t even begun to calculate the actual volume of our farmhouse yet, so these numbers are going to explode.
I’m beginning to think Robin is Hestia. Yoba is not the only deity in this town.
Alright, calculating the rest of the floor spaces is a little boring so let’s speedrun this.
Wall height for the farmhouse is 140 pixels, so (140 * .625) * 124,395.31 inches/sq / 12^3 = 6,298.95 ft^3 (178.36 m^3) for the farmhouse, and 25,800.51 ft^3 (730.58 m^3) using my method.
Just... let’s move on.
Second iteration has me doing a fair bit more work.
Wall height is 135 pixels, and rightmost—wait, the walls are shorter? Weird. Anyway, the rightmost room has dimensions of 486 for width by 375 for depth (and the same cubby dimensions), giving us cuboid dimensions of 24,603,750 pixels^3, which converts to 14,238.28 ft^3 (403.18 m^3), and 3,476.14 ft^3 (82.83 m^3) using asparagus' method
Middle corridor has a dimensional width of 42 pixels by 87 depth, giving us a total of 285.47 ft^3 (8.08 m^3), and 69.69 ft^3 (1.97 m^3) using asparagus' method.
Leftmost room (the kitchen) has a width of 870 and depth of 375, with a doorway of 136x64. That gives us a cuboid area of 314,019.38 ft^3 (29,173.11 m^3), and 6,388.74 ft^3 (180.91 m^3) using asparagus' method.
That gives us a grand total for a tier two home of...
... 328,543.13 ft^3 (29,584.37 m^3) using my method and
... 9,934.58 ft^3 (281.31 m^3) using asparagus' method.
So Robin added at a minimum 3,635.63 cubic feet to your house in three days by herself. Even if you extend the days and months to roughly align with our own calendar, that would be a mere nine days. How much powdered starfruit did she snort in order to do that by herself? I 100% believe Emily is the town’s dealer. I didn’t even calculate the length of the farmhouse loft. It’s doable, and even though you can’t enter it in the game, a bigger farmhouse means a bigger loft judging by the look of it.
Anyway, I’m not going to calculate the loft area right now. I’m not going to calculate the other tiers of your farmhouse either, even though that was my intent when I started this analysis. The math is easy enough, but it gets boring to type, and no doubt to read. Plus, I’m a little stunned by Robin's carpentry acumen. C’mon Robin, stop upgrading my house. Exercise with the girls, dance with your husband, smoke some weed, I dunno, RELAX.
But in a strange way, it makes a weird sort of sense. Pretty much no one plays the game with auto-run turned off, but do so for a moment. See how fast you move. That is your normal pace, and auto-run is you, an Olympian god, sprinting around town every second of every day, helping the shit out of everyone whether they want it or not, snorting the same starfruit mixture you got from Robin to keep going, who may have gotten it from Linus (my money is still on Emily). We’ve become so accustomed to seeing the run animation as our default I almost didn’t realize it doesn’t translate to modern life. The boards in your house, I almost took those as your normal 2x4 planks of wood (which actually measure 1.5x3.5, the world lies to me). They are not. They are almost the width of your entire body, and your walking pace (sorry I can’t get an exact pixel measurement) covers roughly one and a half boards, a similar length to a normal human gait. The art style fooled even me until now, but your house is massive.
Let’s just answer our other two questions. What is the exchange rate? Calculating the exchange rate of a fictional world is always tricky as they have different concepts of rarities, but I’ll give it the ol’ college try. Once again, I can’t do anything with magic. Let’s first list some things of note:
Now you may be tempted to say we can’t translate iridium and gold’s prices to real world market values, and normally you may be right, but there are some extenuating circumstances in the game: the town is right next to two very large mines. It is even a plot point once you clear the glittering boulder that the water carries ore from deep inside the mountain. Yes, gold and iridium are valuable, but your location to ore veins is important; gold and iridium may be uncommon resources but you have access to very specific places where they are more common, otherwise known as the scarcity heuristic). This also explains two facts about iridium: discounting magic, iridium is quite rare in the game, just like real life. Secondly, Clint’s prices make a lot more sense not only because it’s endgame material, but because iridium is super dense and has a very high melting point, thus making it a very difficult material to work with.
But by far the biggest challenge of this question is figuring out whether or not items you produce factor in the cost of your labor or not. For instance, lace is made of simple materials that even in the days of Victorian England, it was easy to get. However because lace was so time consuming to make, it could command absurd prices. Thus, one of the first things we need to discover is whether or not the game takes into account cost of labor or not.
So I am going to take you all back to school and talk about someone who’s old and dead: Adam Smith. It was he who talked about the cost of labor in his book The Wealth of Nations, and because of that, I bring up this particular line:
“...From century to century, corn is a better measure than silver, because, from century to century, equal quantities of corn will command the same quantity of labour more nearly than equal quantities of silver.
Why did I mention corn above? This is why. Prices may vary, but agriculture has been around for thousands of years and the cost of a farmer’s labor equals about the same.
According to Dylan Baumann, Stardew Valley corn plants have a profit value of 535 gold per plant. Our corn plant profits are about as high as they can get without adding something new into the mix, and we don’t want that yet.
Let’s set some ground rules:
If you plant the entire farm with corn and stop harvesting on Fall day 28 when the growing season ends, that lets you harvest a total of 11 ears of corn per plant. Multiply that by 3,350, we get a total of 36,850 ears of corn for your entire farm. Corn is measured in bushels, and a bushel of corn can be anywhere between 40 and 60 ears of corn, but we’ll say you really pack it in for 60, meaning your growing season for corn produces 36,850 / 60 corn for a total of 614.17 bushels per year.
The USDA has a 2001 labor value of corn at US$2.92 per acre (and that matches the Iowa labor statistic), and using 156 bushels per acre, that brings our labor cost per bushel at... US$00.02. That’s a real pittance. Considering bushels of corn retailed around $2.11 per bushel in 2001, that is an incredible markup of 184.85 times.
We’re almost done with the dreaded math, I swear.
Corn retails at 100g apiece in Stardew Valley(You get 50 gold from Pierre, so he has a 100% markup), meaning the labor cost should be around 184.85 times less that amount, meaning it takes about 0.54 gold to make one ear of corn.
Your average US farmers salary $55,000 and $100,000, and we’ll take the middle of $77,500 for our measurements. Dividing the farmer’s salary by the total ears of corn our farmer grows in Stardew Valley, we get a labor cost per ear of corn in US dollars of $2.10 per ear of corn. Now we multiply this by our markup ratio to get the IRL retail cost of corn in Stardew, getting US$237.08! Damn that better be some good eating! We divide that number by the Stardew Valley retail cost of corn, netting us a real world conversion of gold of, drumroll please, $2.37 US dollars per gold in 2001.
Now just for funzies, let us calculate the actual salary of your famer in Stardew Valley. Multiplying your 36,850 ears of corn by 50 gold (your selling price of gold, not the retail price of 100g), that nets you 1,842,500 gold per growing season. Multiply that by the dollagold conversion we just calculated and your real life gross income comes out to be US$436,672,500.
Give me all of the golden clocks, wizard.
Three questions down, one more to go. Currency conversion was rather tricky because it involved quite a lot of math, but this last question, what is the cost of Robin’s labor, that requires the most assumptions. There’s an easy answer and a hard answer.
Robin’s upgrades, except for the last, require you the farmer to give her resources in addition to gold. The simple answer is you are providing materials in order to keep the raw gold cost down. This means that the first house upgrade, 10,000 gold, is strictly her labor cost as the 450 wood is all the raw materials she needs to build. 3 days * 3 months (to adjust Stardew month lengths to our month lengths) comes out to Robin working an IRL equivalent to 9 days. Taking 10,000 gold / 9 days equals a cost of 1,111.111 gold per day, and considering Robin has snorted enough powdered starfruit to have 20 hour work days, that comes out to 55.56 gold per hour.
Just to be sure, let’s see if the math holds up for the last upgrade. That one requires a cost of 100,000 gold and comes preequipped with 33 casks. You do not provide the resources for the casks, meaning that comes included with the cost. Casks cannot be sold, but the materials required to make them are 20 wood and 1 hardwood, which Robin will provide for the same 100% markup (meaning 4 gold and 30 gold respectively). 4 gold * 30 gold * 33 casks comes out to 3,960 gold. Using the same calculations for the first house iteration, we get (100,000 gold - 3,960) / (3 days * 3 months) / 20 hours for a total of 533.56 gold per hour.
Not even close to our first estimate. We could just average them together for (533.56 + 55.56) / 2 = 294.56 gold, and that would be the easy answer. It would be nice to settle for the easy answer.
Let’s find the hard answer. We are going to calculate labor cost per square footage, and luckily most of the work has been done over the course of several google spreadsheets. To find the cost of materials and money per upgrade volume we get the formula (Upgrade volume - Base Volume) / 10,000 gold. This gives us a grand total of cubic material built per gold of...
...2,573.26 in^3/gold, 30.27 ft^3/gold, 2.89 m^3/gold using my method and
...628.24 in^3/gold, 0.36 ft^3/gold, 0.01 m^3/gold using asparagus’ method.
Let’s see if the math holds up for the basement upgrade and dammit I just realized I got to do more pixel measurements now. Hold on, be back in an hour.
Alright, I’m back. We don’t need to do any subtraction for the previous volume of the house considering the cellar is its own little area, but we still need to subtract the value of the materials used for the casks. The cellar comes out to a grand total of cubic materials built per gold of...
...386.91 in^3/gold, 0.22 ft^3/gold, 0.01 m^3/gold using my method and
...94.46 in^3/gold, 0.05 ft^3/gold, 0.0015 m^3/gold using asparagus’ method.
Huge discrepancy.
Before I get into my reasoning why, let us outline what we know first.
I come to one conclusion: Robin is a god that has settled down in the world of Stardew Valley.
Here me out. I have three pieces of evidence.
The first is when Robin is hired to take on a house upgrade job no one helps her, not even her husband Demetrius. Your house is right next to hers, so you’re not paying for travel. As we have shown by our calculations above and in the gDoc spreadsheet, that is a massive amount of work. It’s simply not possible for a human to accomplish such a monumental task. Robin claims she built her own home herself with this line from the game...
“Have I told you that I built our house from the ground up? It's definitely been the highlight of my career so far.”
...so we know her carpentry acumen is impressive enough for the job, but she has severely understated her skill. Homeadvisor pegs a house costing anywhere between US$150,000 to US$500,000 (US$102,005.53 to $340,018.44, adjusted for 2001 inflation), but even adjusted for inflation, Robin absolutely underbids the current housing market. Those inflation adjusted values, when converted to gold, come out to a range of 43,040.31g-143,467.70g. Granted, these prices are for a complete house, not adding onto a current house, but even if we half the value you are getting one hell of a discount.
The second piece is Robin’s language. The sheer passion for her work speaks wonders..
“Wood is a wonderful substance... it's versatile, cheap, strong, and each piece has its own unique character!”
...but perhaps she is just passionate about what she does. Many people are, but knowing what we do about how dirt cheap and blindingly fast she works let’s go into more detail about some things, specifically three lines. The first...
“Our little plan worked out well, don't you think? Pam and Penny seem really happy.”
...is said after Pam’s house undergoes an upgrade. “Our” plan? Sure, you are the one that buys the upgrade and Robin has to build it, but I can’t help but feel there is a double meaning behind this language. It is done out of the kindness of Robin’s heart and the materials have to come from somewhere, so she can’t do it for free, but it wasn’t about the money, as we have stated previously. It was about Penny.
Pam is a somewhat contentious person because of slobbish and slovenly nature. She is immediately and irrationally angered when Penny tries to pick the place up. She drinks heavily...
“\sigh*... My mother definitely has a problem with going to the saloon too much. But it's best not to dwell on bad things, right?”*
...doesn’t seem to understand not paying her tab has some consequences, and doesn’t realize what her habits have done to her daughter’s psyche.
Then you, the player come along. Pam is okay with the simple things in life, but you help Penny with her worries and insecurities, and then with you and Robin together, you give Penny everything she needs to help her shed those worries. She has a house that doesn have problems with rain, two friends who look out for her, her mom has a job, and most importantly she has peace of mind and in a world fraught with problems, that is truly priceless.
Then there is this line...
“Hey! I heard some weird noises last night, and woke up this morning to find the quarry bridge completely repaired! It's a miracle of woodworking!”
...and it occurs once you offer items to the community center junimos to get the quarry bridge repaired.
It is also a bald-faced lie.
The junimos are good, don’t get me wrong, but we’ve seen what Robin can do with our own two eyes. She is absolutely incredible at her job, and while I may give it to her she has no idea what junimos are or what they are capable of, we have proof that the act of restoring the bridge in one night is not out of the realm of possibility for her. A miracle, yes, but I’m certain she can beat the junimos’ time.
Lastly, there is one quote from her that is just... it opens up some very interesting questions. When she says...
“My parents were bewildered when I told them I wanted to be a carpenter. They were pretty old-fashioned.”
...how old are her parents when they consider carpentry too new-fashioned for them? Carpentry is one of the world’s oldest professions. If they were old-fashioned, why were they bewildered?
This line is just so fascinating to me. Robin is incredibly skilled, but I cannot rationalize carpentry being too newfangled for parents to wrap their head around. Who were they? Where are they from? I know your secrets, Robin, I know your parents are gods, too.
The third and final piece is the contrasting pieces of the world at large. Just like ours, it’s a little depressing. Joja Corp runs dozens of what even Cyberpunk would consider a dataslave farm. The world is flooded with consumerism run amok, Orwellian surveillance, and rampant urbanization. The Ferngill Republic is in the middle of a war with the Gotoro Empire and Kent still suffers PTSD from being in a prisoner of war camp.
Stardew Valley isn’t just a town to retire in, it is a place of respite and healing. There are three confirmed magic users deeply tied to the town’s mystical roots. The bears speak and encourage you to manage the world around you. You are rewarded for restoring balance to the valley by being able to recycle things you don’t need. Your main resource in the game, gold, also doesn’t matter that much; if it ever slips into the negative, nothing bad ever happens. You must just work to raise it back up. There is no lose condition in the game.
In many respects it is similar to the Gaiaism philosophy that all living beings are connected, each relying and depending on each other in order to maintain a peaceful coexistence. You help Shane with his nihilism and depression, Sebastian with his ability to express and accept affection, Sam with his dreams, Kent with his problems, Leah with her ambitions, Haley with her generosity and narcissism, or even simple goals like Penny’s idea of a quiet domestic life.
Whether it is the addicted, lost, or scorned, everyone is welcome and everyone can have a home in Stardew Valley. No one embodies this more than Robin who just wants a simple life. Whether it is her own house or her own boat during the Dance of the Moonlight Jellies, Robin builds it herself. The feel of wood grain, the smell of lacquer, the stickiness of stain, the thrum of the saw, and the bite of the axe. Robin doesn’t charge you nearly enough for your house upgrades because it is not about the money. Woodworking is what she loves and she lives in a place where barterism, kindness, family, and friendship substitute so many of life's modern problems and inconveniences.
Friendship increases in the game aren’t just a measurement of achievements, a means of getting more recipes, or more candles lit on a grave. You are making friends and getting to know these people for who they are and everyone’s life is bettered because of it. The amount of love I’ve seen for Linus is just staggering. Shane, in all of his melancholy and despite him not being a suitor in the original version of the game, is loved by so many. I know some despise Haley, but I love that I was able to show her what kindness can do for people.
You are in a gentle and loving place, and you are loved.
What a better place for a god to reside? A quiet town filled with peace and love, seeped in nature and the old magics of yore. A loving mate, a family to raise. Land to share with those that forage from its bounty. It’s all she needs.
Robin’s role in all of this? She desires neither worship nor admiration. She is just a friend. A god, certainly, but a friend first and foremost who is just settling down in a quiet town looking for a little peace.

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Image by MagicallyClueless
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Achievement Tip Masterpost

LONGEVITY
Complete a Life Complete a full life
All you have to do for this one is die. You probably have it by now, but if you're super attached to your first Bitizen, you can always save your Bitlife and play somebody else wastefully or hold out until they pass.
Octogenarian See your 80th birthday Nonagenarian 90th birthday Centenarian 100th birthday Super-centarian 110th birthday Mega-centarian 120th birthday
Get on a healthy diet and garden and meditate twice a year. I like Nutrisystem. It's expensive, but I have advice for managing that below...
Strong Genes Achieve a 500-year generation Long Lineage 1000-year generation Living Legacy 5000-year generation
Never don't have kids. I like leaving everything to the youngest child and playing as them, but that won't make your kids happy with you or your heir. Your call. Either way, it helps to have a couple Bitlifes going in case you get tired of living carefully. Sometimes you're gonna want to be more reckless, you know?
WEALTH
Millionaire Become a millionaire My Second Million Achieve a net worth of $2m
Now that we have Royalty and Sports, this is a lot easier. Traditionally, if you're hot (95%+), drop out of high school and get your GED ($1k, you can do that in a couple years of dog walking/freelance gigs) and wait for a singer or actor career. If not, work hard in school and go to the gym often. Check your parents' stats and if they're generous make sure you pass your drivers test (maybe even ask if you can get a nicer one! immediately sell your car, they lose value fast) and take a martial art. It's much cheaper if they pay for it ($1K per tier in some countries) and gets you in good shape. If you're athletic, grind at a sport from middle school onwards. If you're not, try some athletic-adjacent clubs and go to the gym and for walks often. Pets count as additional walks which you can take from age 8+. When you're in good shape you can get a soccer scholarship (which can become a/)or a professional sports contract. More sports tips below, same with other careers. Basically try to get famous, not through politics. Or be hot and marry rich/have rich parents who die/be royal.
Multimillionaire Achieve a net worth of $10m Rich Net worth of $20m Super Rich Net worth of $50m Stinking Rich Net worth of $100m
Get a couple million first, then invest it in real estate. Or do ads if you're famous and it won't ruin your career. Helps to be big on social media for influence on that stuff. Fix up 1M+ houses and flip them when they've hit a value of 2 or 3 million. If you've got great karma or you're a religious figure of some kind, exorcise some mansions. You can do it all that way, or keep grinding careers.
Bitionaire Achieve a net worth of $1b
It's hard to get here from 0. Helps to leave everything to your youngest kid before you die after living a long, fruitful life. You can let your kid "take over" your assets at any time without tax now, that's the best way to do it. Then as soon as they're 18 make them famous/invest in real estate and repeat.
CAREER
Actor Become an actor
Be hot. You can drop out at 16 and get your GED for $1k (ask your parents for money or do freelance gigs for a couple of years). If you're not, go to the gym and for walks often. Pets count as additional walks which you can take from age 8+. Grind at a sport in school if you can to keep your health well and get plastic surgery at 18. Generally if your appearance stats are low it's either a nose job or liposuction that will fix it. Always go to the best plastic surgeon. Marry rich if you have to or work for a couple years if you have to, but start the career as soon as you can. Always work 5 more hours a week than required and compliment your supervisor if their coolness is high. Sleep with people in Hollywood (bosses coworkers etc). Your spouse/parent will generally be mad if you're in rude magazines, so hold off on dating unless they're cool or make them deal with it.
Airplane Pilot Become an airline captain
Grind in school and keep your mental health well. No drugs but drink if you feel like it, just make sure you can go to AA or whatever. Always work 5 more hours a week than required and compliment your supervisor if their coolness is high. If you're rich and you've inherited an airplane or you can afford lessons, take them. Go to University for a science thing that isn't biology lol. Start your Pilot Apprentice job.
At Inner Peace Work 75 years as a monk
Follow my longevity tips above and don't party or drink or do drugs. Always be honest. Meditate. Don't date.
Candywriter Work for Bitlife
Be born in Tampa, United States. Go to university for Information Systems. You'll get the achievement right away when you're hired.
CEO Become a CEO
Go to school for Finance. Get a job. Work hard every year.
Dentist Become a dentist
Go to university for biology, then dental school. Work hard every year.
Doctor Become a doctor
Go to university for biology, then medical school. Work hard every year.
Fire Chief Become a fire chief
Stay in good shape. Work hard every year.
Jack Of All Trades Have 10 careers in one life
Work at retail and food service jobs for less than a year, then go to university to get even more opportunities. Keep going for different paths.
Judge Become a judge Lawyer Become a lawyer
Go to school for english. Go to law school. Work hard every year.
Last Resort Seduce your boss to save your job
Be hot. Work fewer hours than required at your job. Make sure your supervisor is attracted to your gender and low professionalism. When your boss tries to fire you, seduce them.
People Person
Start with your less popular coworkers and work your way up. Pay attention to their stats so you know what they want. Get hard-to-get people with Bitlife Bitizenships ($5).
Combat
Armed & Dangerous Kill someone with a learned martial art move
Get to the top level of a martial art, (especially in prison) pick someone old to attack. Start a fight with them.
Midieval Attack Get attacked with a midieval weapon
Kinda chance. Just keep picking fights. You can get into a lot of fights if you're rude at nightclubs or to people on the street. Sometimes if you attack your loved ones or enemies with a weapon they'll kill you with a sword or something.
No Grasshopper Earn the top belt in a martial art
Each martial art has 10 tiers. They can cost $1k+ if you're an adult so if you've got generous parents take advantage.
Sensei San Earn the top belt in every martial art
Have health above 50% when you take a martial arts lesson. Follow above tips. Parents will probably only pay for one set of lessons, so pay for the other arts yourself as an adult. At $10k per martial art, it will probably cost you $40k-$50k.
Disease
Addicted Sustain 3 addictions at once
Play Blackjack or go to the horse races often with mid-tier mental health. Get addicted to pills or some other hard non-psychedelic drugs. Start drinking last b/c it'll kill your health. Try not to let your Bitizen get depressed or you might die, lol. All addiction is dangerous so it may take a few tries.
Bubonic Plague Contract the bubonic plague
Have low health and luck out. I got it in the UK.
Foam at the Mouth Contract rabies
Try to take home every wild animal you see. One might bite you. If you succeed, take it to the vet. If it doesn't have rabies, release it. If it does, don't treat it! Take it home and bathe it until it bites you.
Sickly Contract 10 diseases in one life
Best if you're not vaccinated, but just have mid-tier health and be really social. All afflictions count.
Successful Rehab Have rehab cured at a rehab center
Go to fancy rehab if you can afford it. Do it from your military deployment to go AWOL.
Witchcraft Get cured of a disease by the witch doctor
Eye of newt and cow tongue are iffy. Always start with health at 100. They've fixed cancer and sickle cell for me.
Entertainment
BitBoi Watch Bijuu Mike on YouTube BTS ARMY Go to a BTS concert
Keep asking friends to watch YouTube/go to concerts every year until you get those options.
Movie Junkie Go to 5 movies in one life Moviegoer Go to a movie
Go to the movies every year. It's good for your relationship if you go with somebody.
Fame
Brightest Star Achieve maximum fame
Actor, model, writer, athlete career path. Keep doing every bonus thing (talk shows, books, pose nude, commercials) and verify on social media.
Centerfold Pose for Wank magazine
Agree to pose nude every time until you get it. I think this one has women mostly but I can't remember.
Endorser Get paid $2m for a commercial
Easy if you're a high paid actor or model doing an international commercial.
K-Pop Become a famous Korean singer
See my wealth advice. Follow it with the "background singer" career and start in Korea.
Fertility
DNA Donor Make 25 sperm donations in one life
This one is hard b/c you can only do it once a year and only until a certain age. So start at 18 and don't stop. I think you have to be American. Maybe UK and Canada too? Not legal everywhere. Try not to miss a year.
Fabulously Fertile Have 10 children in one life Fertile Myrtle Mother 25 children in one life
Meditate every year. Start at 18. You have to be cis. Eat healthy and exercise. Get boyfriends and have unprotected sex with them so you don't get STDs. You can be a mother up until like 51 if you're healthy and lucky. Keep having sex until you get pregnant.
Smart Seed Get artificially inseminated with lawyer sperm
Start at 18. You have to be cis. Be fertile (tips above). Keep pulling up the option to get artificially inseminated until a lawyer comes up. Don't listen to your partner if they don't want you to do it LOL.
Super Sperm Have 100 children in one life
Be a cis dude. Meditate. Be handsome. Have a million girlfriends. Use the dating app to keep dating young women. Don't abandon any kids but leave girlfriends as soon as they're pregnant. Hire every surrogate that will take you if it's legal. Sue them for the max ($200k) if they bail (not miscarry).
Three's Company Have triplets
Sometimes this happens if you're a dude with luck or while you're doing Super Sperm. Sometimes if you're a woman it's luck too or when you do IVF with your partner's sperm or other artificial insemination.
Military
Career Military Serve your full career in the military
Tips for staying alive below. Retire as soon as you can.
General Achieve the rank of general in the military
Be a good Army person. Grind at work like 5x a year. Keep in shape. Be nice to your seargeant.
Admiral Reach the rank of admiral in the military
Be a good Navy person. Grind at work like 5x a year. Keep in shape. Be nice to your seargeant.
Absent Without Leave Go AWOL in the military
Be deployed with an addiction and check into rehab. Whoops.
Excavator Clear 10 minefields
Be deployed, and use a minesweeper solver to not die if you suck at minesweeper.
Pet
Adopt Don't Shop Rescue every pet in the shelter
You gotta have a few houses. Then you're good. You gotta do it all in one year so have like a lot of houses. Like 5 at least. Tips for getting rich above.
Horsing Around Own 50 horses in one life
You gotta have a bunch of ranches. Buy a few horses a year. Tips for getting rich above.
Just Keep Swimming Buy a goldfish and release it.
You can do this one as a kid too if your parent gets you a goldfish.
Natural Selection Rescue every pet in the shelter
This one took forever. Just keep buying dangerous exotic pets and rescuing every dangerous animal you see. It's luck.
No Probllama Buy a Llama
Buy a ranch in Afghanistan. Go pet shopping.
Prison
Aftermath Escape prison in a riot Instigator Prison riot
Get good at Snake. Keep rioting. Works best in low security. Takes a couple tries, kind of luck.
Behind Bars Spend 50 years in prison True Lifer 75 years in prison
Do a murder in a country without the death penalty (Canada). Murder with full health at 18. Get a prison job. Meditate and work out every year. Keep your head down. Try half-heartedly to escape every once in a while so you don't accidentally get parole or something. But if you get out you can always go back. Rob a bank or something. But keep your health and behaviour up in case you get sick and need to go to the infirmary.
Gangsta Join a prison gang
Go to a medium or higher security prison.
Inmating Get a lover pregnant on a conjugal visit
Be a cis man with high fertility. Have a good relationship (80%+) with an 18 year old cis woman. Make sure she isn't on birth control. Do a small crime, get a prison job, and meditate. Request a conjugal visit.
Justice Get freed from prison by appeal
Be rich. Wait a couple years after you're sentenced for something non-violent.
Mercy Me Get granted clemency
Be a nun or a monk for 50+ years. Don't retire. Do a murder. Get a prison job. Meditate, work out, go to the library, and write letters to home. You won't know until the year you're scheduled to die, so hold on.
Midnight Express Get sentenced to Turkish prison
Be born in Turkey. Do a crime.
Theseus Escape a supermax prison
There are a ton of Bitlife prison guides. Do a murder and escape from death row.
Royalty
Executioner Execute 5 people
Be king. Or queen. Top dog, either way. It helps to have enemies or friends to make enemies.
Markle Marry into the royal family
Be a commoner in a country with royals. Be cute. Go on lots of dates. It'll pop up and be part of their name. They could be a viscount or whatever, no member of the royal family is too far removed.
Monarch Become a monarch
Start as prince or princess and inherit the throne.
Napoleon Get exiled to a distant land
Keep executing people. And do a bunch of disservice.
Reign Over Us Reign as monarch for 100 years
In a country where Prince/Princess is top monarch or where your king/queen parents are low health/dying, keep your health up until you're a super-centarian (see above).
Sports
Canton Get inducted into the football hall of fame
Be a great football player. Be famous. Play as long as you can. Keep being famous after football as long as you can. I stopped being famous at 40 and got inducted at 60.
Christiano Win the Ballon d'Or
Be a European soccer player. Keep winning championships (see below).
Full Ride Win an athletic scholarship
Start playing sports in middle school. Become captain of at least one team with a pro league.
Giggsy Win 13 career championships
You can train each stat up twice in a turn if you trade teams, but you'll lose respect, so pick your moments. Grind your whole life. Keep going to the gym. Trade teams when you guys start losing. Stay on top.
Hooker Yell at a leopard
Try out for professional rugby with high athletic stats. Choose Hooker as your position.
Lance Win a championship while doping
It's safest to dope the year after a drug test. Try it for your second or third championship.
Real Estate
House Hunter Make $2m from flipping a house
Buy a $2m house. Leave it to your kid. Sell it. See above.
Mansion Party Throw a party in a mansion Real Estate Mogul Purchase real estate worth $10m combined Trailer Party Party in a trailer
Pretty straight forward. If you're broke start with the trailer party. Then buy mansions. Advice for getting rich above.
School
Brothers Forever Get hired by a frat brother
Be a jock. See sports advice above. When you're in two sports at university, compliment the jocks' leader. Be good looking (plastic surgery if needed, see above) and google the answer to the question if you need it. Google high-level frats and pick one. Then when you get hired after school one of them might hire you!
Earning that A Seduce your teacher
Be really attractive and compliment your teachers who are attracted to people of your gender. Take the opportunity to sleep with them if it arises.
Naughty Child Get expelled from school
Be rude as hell to the principal/headmastedean
Swimming Star
Start swimming as young as you can and stay in shape. "Work harder" every year.
Social Media
Social Media Join social media Social Media Sharer Post Social Media Oversharer Post 5 times Social Media Star Get a million followers Check! Get verified
Join all social media platforms at 13. Be pretty and keep posting. Follow above advice to get famous in any public career to get more followers. Start with Instagram for verification around 100k. By the time you're a lead actosupermodel/etc you'll have 1m followers.
Vehicle
Antiqued Keep a car running for 200 years.
Buy a brand new car. Do maintenance twice a year. Pass it on to your kid (18+) and repeat.
Car collector Assemble a car collection worth $1m Lambo Buy a Lamborghini
Buy a lambo and a bunch of other fancy cars. Who cares. See advice above for money.
Not The Yellow One Buy a submarine
You need $5b for this to show up reliably.
Titanic Trouble Run into trouble on a yacht
Have a shitty yacht or shitty luck. Go for a bunch of rides.
Animal
Animal Rescue Rescue an animal
Helps to have 100% smarts. Read childrens books so you don't have to tap too many pages. It'll only take two or three.
Deaf Leapord Yell at a leopard
Buy a leopard from the exotic animals dealer and yell at it when it misbehaves.
Gorilla and the Fist Get decapitated by a gorilla
I had to buy so many gorillas from the exotic animals dealer to get one crazy enough to decapitate me. Just keep bathing it and letting it attack you every year until it kills you.
Unicorn Find a unicorn
Go for like 10 walks a year. Have good karma.
Hungry Hippo !!! NEEDED !!!
Apparently Egypt is good for this.
Lion Tamer !!! NEEDED !!!
Apparently Kenya is good for this.
Crime
Balcony Buccaneer Steal 100 packages in one life
It's a lot easier to avoid punishment by wielding your title if you're a monarch. This one took me ages as a civiliian.
Burglar Burgle 25 homes in one life
Play Snake well
Cold Killer Kill 10 people in one life Serial Killer Kill 25 people
Start with random homeless people. If you're a royal exert your title to avoid punishment. Keep buying your way out of prison as long as you can. Then start killing other prisoners, start with the oldest and work your way down to the strongest ones. Work out and meditate every year. Pay guards for protection if you can but you probably won't be fucked with if you keep strong and murderous.
Dillinger Rob 5 banks in one life
If you're royal you'll get away with it. Make sure you have a getaway car either way. Clown mask/closest equivalent and handgun/closest equivalent work best.
Scare to Death Scare someone to death
Do a murder but pick scare to death. Works best if they're old.
Bugatti Bandit !!! NEEDED !!!
Going Anywhere !!! NEEDED !!!
LOVE
Black Widow Widow 5 husbands in one life
Start using the dating app when you're 18 and go for old guys. Best if they don't have kids and if they're rich. Propose after you fuck when your relationship is at 100%. I like to be on birth control for this.
Golden Anniversary Be in a marriage for 50 years Diamond Anniversary Marriage for 75 years
Keep seeing movies together and fucking and complimenting each other. Cute as hell. Just marry young and try to both stay alive.
Fake It Propose successfully with a fake ring
Works best if you're rich and they love you and they're dumb.
Family Planner Convince a lover to go off birth control
Be a cis man. Be in a strong relationship with a cis woman. Ask her to go off birth control. Easiest if you're married to her.
Maiden Named Marry a man who takes your last name
Marry a man and don't change your last name. Kind of a luck thing. Make sure your relationship is strong.
Multigamist Get married 10 times in one life
Pre-nups and widowing make this easier but do you. Love them and leave them. If you're a young guy it's really easy to get older women to agree to marry you.
Stud Have 100 lovers in a single life
Hook up like crazy. Date all you can and fuck all of them. Use protection so you can stay alive.
Wedding Planner Agree to an arranged marriage
I did this in India as a woman with wealthy, religious parents.
Bejeweled !!! NEEDED !!!
General
All Along Have a parent who comes out of the closet
Could be luck. Or you can cheat it with a Bitizenship by making both parents gay and unreligious.
Begone Exorcise your own ghost
Be an exorcist. Buy a haunted house. Do what you do best.
Booty Call Have a successful Brazillian butt lift
Be healthy and have good karma. Use the best doctor. Cross your fingers. They still only work 1/3 of the time.
Cliff Diver Go cliff diving Hero Save someone's life Player Perks Accept a casino's hospitality offer Snake Snack Eat a snake ZAP! Get struck by lightning
Random event
Dignified Donor Donate a 1m+ heirloom to charity
Get your heirloom every day. Appraise it. Donate the first $1m+ one you get.
Flamin' Hot Survive 60 years on a Hot Cheetos diet
Get liposuction every couple of years and work out and walk a lot. Have no other conditions. Do your best. Get pets for more walks. Garden. Try to survive. Start at 18.
Flee the Country Emigrate to escape justice
Escape prison and emigrate
Frankenstein Survive 5 botched plastic surgeries
Keep going to the bad doctor. Go for risky procedures like butt lifts. Space them out to get your health back up.
Goat Grabber Join a goat grabbing team
Be athletic and join a goat grabbing team at school in Afghanistan
Human Dictionary Read the dictionary
So much tapping. But eventually it will show up in your books. Be strong.
Hyperthymesia Score 20 sequences on the memory test
The worst part of Bitlife. I did this one by writing 1,2,3 or 4 on a piece of paper according to which # square lit up with my right hand and doing the puzzle on my phone with my left hand. Still took like 5 tries and was really frustrating. Take breaks and come back with a clear head.
Jackpot Win the lottery jackpot
Keep your karma high and buy 10 tickets 5 times a year. You'll get it eventually.
Lowroller Get refused entry to a casino
Bet more money than you have on Blackjack. Once you're out of prison, try to come back. They'll turn you away.
Nightmare Wake up from a nightmare
As a pilot, buy a terrible plane. When it crashes, accept your doom. You might wake up.
Paranightmare Contract PTSD after a paranormal experience
Try to have bad mental and good physical health (a hard balance. Try gardening, dieting, and fighting with friends or loved ones) and then try to exorcise stubborn ghosts.
Perfection Achieve perfect stats
Pretty easy. Work out, get plastic surgery (lipo or nose job to start) and go for walks, read children's books (3 should get you to 100%) and go to the movies or on vacation.
Rich Justice Win a $1m+ lawsuit
Get fired from a really high paying job like CEO and win your lawsuit.
Run Bitizen! Win a bet on Bitizen There's Always Canada Emigrate to Canada Winnipeg, Eh? Visit Winnipeg
Wait until it pops up as an option
Say Goodbye To Hollywood Get deported from the United States
Move to the U.S. without permission. Get caught doing a minor crime.
Skeezy Get called "skeezy"
Be an asshole at nightclubs and in the streets. Fight with your friends and coworkers, insult them and start rumours.
Sweepstakes Win the sweepstakes
Set it up on a day where you'll be by your phone. Sign up every time you can.
Try & Stop Me Violate a restraining order
Stalk your ex. Do it again after they file a restraining order.
Ultimate Betrayal Your spouse leaves you following a gender reassignment
Have a terrible relationship with your heterosexual spouse. Get gender reassignment surgery.
Unethical Bribe a college official
Be rich and have dumb kids.
Roswell !!! NEEDED !!!
Sacrilege !!! NEEDED !!!

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Welcome to Poker!!! Best Poker Course 2019 CEG Dealer School Las Vegas

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